Parenting Perspective 

Children are very quick to absorb the labels that other people put on them, whether it is ‘shy,’ ‘naughty,’ ‘clever,’ or ‘difficult.’ If these words are repeated often enough, they can begin to shape the way that children see themselves, sometimes in a way that limits their future growth. The act of protecting your child’s identity in these situations means ensuring that the loudest and most influential voice in their heart is your own, a voice of love, confidence, and guidance that is rooted in the truth. 

Speak Their True Identity into Them Daily 

You can use simple, positive affirmations with your child, such as, ‘You are a kind person,’ ‘You have a strong heart,’ and ‘You are deeply loved.’ When your own positive words are repeated often enough, they can begin to replace any negative outside labels with a secure and confident self-belief. 

Teach Them to Question Negative Labels 

You can say to your child, ‘Just because somebody says that about you, it does not make it true. What really matters is how Allah sees you, and the person you are trying to be.’ This gives them the tools they need to filter out any unfair criticism they may receive. 

Focus Your Praise on Their Effort and Character 

Instead of using labels like, ‘You are the smartest,’ you can say, ‘I am so proud of the way you kept trying with that difficult task.’ This helps to prevent them from becoming trapped by fragile and limiting titles. 

Limit Their Exposure to Negative Environments 

If certain relatives, teachers, or peers are consistently using hurtful labels, it is important to address the issue with them respectfully. You can also redirect your child afterwards by saying, ‘They may not have chosen the best words just then, but I know that you are a capable and kind person.’ 

Model Balanced and Healthy Self-Talk 

Allow your children to see you replacing any harsh words you might use for yourself with more positive ones, for example, ‘I made a mistake with that, but I know I can improve.’ Children will often mirror the way that their parents handle their own labels. 

When you are able to consistently affirm your child’s worth and to anchor it in their character rather than in external labels, you can help to protect their identity from being hijacked by the voices of others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Our Worth in the Sight of Allah 

Islam teaches that a person’s worth is not found in what other people may call them, but in the way that Allah sees their hearts and their deeds. Protecting your child’s identity from external labels means grounding them in this profound and eternal truth. 

The Prohibition of Harmful Nicknames 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 11: 

‘…And do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames; how bad is it to be called by nefarious names after the attainment of faith…’ 

This verse reminds us that labels have the power to harm a person’s dignity, and that Allah has forbidden us from reducing our fellow believers to negative or offensive names. 

Identity Is in Deeds, Not in Labels 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’ 

This hadith teaches us that a person’s true identity is measured by their faith and by their actions, not by the way that other people may label them. By rooting your child’s sense of self in the things that Allah values, you can free them from the weight of any outside labels. They can then learn to see themselves as servants of Allah, as people who are capable of growth, and as individuals who are worthy of dignity, no matter what others may say about them.