How do I prevent comparisons like “she always gets more praise”? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children possess a keen awareness of differences, particularly regarding praise. A comment such as, ‘she always gets more praise,’ often signals a deeper fear that a child feels overlooked or less valued. To prevent this, it is important to shift your praise from being competitive to being individual. Rather than evaluating children against one another, focus on highlighting each child’s unique strengths and efforts. For example, say, ‘I loved how gently you helped your brother,’ instead of, ‘You are kinder than your sister.’ This approach separates affirmation from comparison, ensuring praise is connected to their individual character. 

Adopt Balanced Praise Styles 

Balance group recognition with individual acknowledgement. When siblings cooperate on a task, offer collective praise, such as, ‘I am so proud of how both of you tidied the room together.’ When one child is praised individually, ensure the focus remains on their specific action and not in contrast to their sibling. This helps to create a family atmosphere where praise feels abundant and fair, rather than something that is rationed. 

Validate Feelings and Reassure Fairness 

Acknowledge their feelings calmly if a child expresses jealousy over praise. Reassure them that your love and attention are not finite resources. Gently remind them that each child is appreciated for different things at different times. Over time, this consistency builds emotional security and reduces the impulse to measure their worth against a sibling. Demonstrating fairness in attention, affection, and praise helps children to trust that they are equally cherished, even when their moments of recognition differ. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on fairness and justice in the treatment of children. Making comparisons that lead to jealousy or resentment is discouraged, as it disrupts the harmony within the home. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse serves as a powerful caution against belittling others or creating hierarchies that can damage a person’s dignity. Parents must, therefore, ensure their words uplift each child without fuelling rivalry. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 94, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be just among your children, be just among your children, be just among your children.’ 

This triple emphasis from the Prophet underscores how deeply the principle of fairness is tied to righteousness (Taqwa). By consciously giving each child recognition that is personal and not comparative, parents embody this profound prophetic guidance. This practice not only nurtures sibling love but also teaches children to appreciate their own unique blessings. When parents reflect fairness in the home, they are training their children to live with gratitude, dignity, and a sense of justice, which are qualities that will serve them throughout their lives.