How do I prepare them for the fact they might not win every time? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often believe that their best effort guarantees victory. When they lose despite trying their hardest, the disappointment can feel like a profound injustice. Preparing them for the reality that winning is not always the outcome is one of the most valuable gifts you can offer. This mindset helps prevent a sense of entitlement, nurtures resilience, and encourages them to enjoy the process rather than fixating on the outcome. 

Set the Right Mindset Before Playing 

Before any game, match, or competition begins, you can help prepare your child by framing the purpose of the activity: 

• Reassure them: ‘We are here to have fun, learn, and try our best. Winning is only one of several possible outcomes.’ 

• Share relatable stories of famous athletes or even family members who worked hard but still experienced losses. 

This simple reframing can reduce the shock of a loss and make the experience feel less overwhelming. 

Praise the Effort, Not Just the Result 

Children naturally adopt the values they see in adults. If you only celebrate victories, they will learn to connect their self-worth exclusively to winning. Instead, focus your praise on the things they can control: 

• ‘I noticed how you concentrated so well all the way through.’ 

• ‘You did not give up even when it became tough. That shows true strength.’ 

• ‘I loved seeing how you encouraged your teammate during the game.’ 

By praising effort, resilience, and character, you help them understand that they can succeed in important ways, even in defeat. 

Introduce Loss in Safe, Small Ways 

You can help your child practise losing gracefully in low-stakes environments at home: 

• Play board games as a family and allow them to lose sometimes. 

• Teach them simple, respectful phrases to use after a loss, like ‘Good game’ or ‘Well played’. 

• Reflect on the experience together: ‘What did you learn from this game? What could we try differently next time?’ 

Responding to Their Disappointment 

If your child becomes upset despite your preparation, respond with empathy and understanding: 

• Validate their feelings: ‘I know you are disappointed. It is okay to feel that way.’ 

• Once they are calm, gently remind them of the core lesson: ‘Remember, we do not always win, but every game helps us grow stronger.’ 

With consistent reinforcement, they will begin to internalise that losing is not a source of shame but an integral part of learning. 

Teach by Example 

Show your child how you handle small disappointments in your own life, such as missing a bus or making a mistake. You could say aloud, ‘That did not go as I had hoped, but I will try again.’ Your behaviour is their most powerful lesson. 

Preparing children for the reality of not always winning equips them with the resilience needed for school, friendships, and life itself. They learn that joy comes from the striving and connecting, not from the outcome alone. 

Spiritual Insight 

Life itself is a constant lesson that we will not always ‘win’ in the conventional sense. We experience moments of success and moments of setback. Islam guides us to approach both with a sense of balance: humility in our victories and patience in our losses. This is the profound spiritual foundation you can share with your child. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verse 23: 

‘(You are informed of this) so that you may not have any regrets over what you have been deprived of; and not celebrate (gloatingly) with what has been given to you; and Allah (Almighty) does not love those who are self-deluded or boastful.’ 

This verse teaches a powerful lesson in emotional balance. We will face times when we miss out and times when we achieve, but neither state should destabilise us. Passing this principle on to children helps them understand that winning is neither guaranteed nor the ultimate measure of their worth. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 3407, that the holy Prophet Muhammad said: 

‘How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good. And this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is grateful and that is good for him. If something harmful happens to him, he is patient and that is good for him.’ 

This hadith beautifully explains that both winning and losing can be beneficial for a believer when they are met with the correct response. Gratitude in success and patience in disappointment are qualities that keep us close to Allah Almighty. 

By teaching your child this balance, you prepare them not just for games but for the greater tests of life. They will learn that their effort is valuable, their patience is a strength, and their gratitude is a thing of beauty, no matter the final score. 

When children are raised with this perspective, they learn that not winning is not a failure. It is simply a reminder to trust in the wisdom of Allah Almighty, to try again with humility, and to remain kind to others, whether in success or setback. This nurtures emotional maturity, spiritual resilience, and a strong Islamic character.