How do I prepare my child for triangle friendships where someone is left out? 

Parenting Perspective 

‘Triangle friendships’, where three children form a group and one of them often ends up feeling left out, are among the trickiest social situations of childhood. One day, your child might be the one who is excluded; on another day, they may be the one who is unintentionally doing the excluding. Preparing your child for these complex dynamics can help them to build their empathy, their confidence, and their sense of fairness. It can teach them that a real friendship is not about choosing sides, but about choosing kindness. 

Begin by Naming What Is Happening 

It is helpful to start by explaining to your child that it is normal for groups of three to feel a little uneven at times. You might say, ‘When three friends are playing together, sometimes two of them might have the same idea, and the third person can feel a bit left out. It does not always mean that they are being mean; it just means that the balance of the group is a little off at that moment.’ This understanding can help your child to interpret the situation with empathy, instead of with panic. 

Teach Them to Watch for the Signs of Exclusion 

You can help your child to notice the social cues that may indicate that someone is feeling left out. Is there someone who has gone quiet? Is there someone who is being ignored, or who is trying to join in but cannot seem to find a way in? You can ask them, ‘What did you notice when you were all playing together today? Was everyone included in the game?’ These simple questions can help to train their social awareness. 

When Your Child Is the One Being Left Out 

If your child is the one who is feeling excluded, it is important to start with a sense of comfort: ‘It really hurts when you feel left out, and it is okay to say that.’ Then, you can begin to move toward a feeling of empowerment. You can explain to them that they can try to join in with the game in a calm and gentle way, but that if the group still feels closed off, it is okay for them to find something else to do, without any feeling of resentment. This can help them to learn a sense of self-respect, without having to create any drama. 

When Your Child Is in the Middle of the Pair 

If your child is a part of the pair that may be leaving someone out, you can help them to see the influence that they have in that situation. You could say, ‘When two people get really close in a game, it can be easy to forget about the third person. You have the power to make a real difference in that moment by helping everyone to feel included.’ You can then teach them some simple, inclusive gestures, such as turning to the friend who is being left out and asking for their opinion, or suggesting a group activity instead of a game for just two players. These small acts of inclusion can help to build a sense of leadership and of compassion. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that the qualities of fairness, empathy, and inclusion are all marks of a true and sincere faith. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known for his ability to build communities where everyone, regardless of their background or their level of closeness to him, felt seen and valued. Teaching your child to notice who is being left out and to act in a kind way is a way of nurturing these same prophetic qualities of mercy and justice in their own small but significant world. 

The Command to Treat Others with Fairness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety…’ 

This verse reminds us that a sense of justice, of treating all people in a fair and equitable way, should guide all of our actions, even in our smallest moments. When your child is able to include someone who is being left out, they are practising this sense of justice on their own level. 

The Prophetic Example of True Inclusion 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 66, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’ 

This hadith beautifully captures the very heart of what it means to be inclusive. You can teach your child that if they love the feeling of being invited to play, then they should be the one to invite others. If they enjoy the feeling of being heard, then they should be the one to make space for others to speak. 

Helping your child to navigate the complexities of triangle friendships is not about ensuring a perfect sense of fairness every single day; it is about shaping their awareness and their capacity for kindness. They can learn that inclusion is a choice that they can make, again and again, even when it feels hard. 

Your own calm coaching can help them to see that a real friendship is not about being the one who is chosen most often, but about being the one who chooses kindness every time. When they are able to speak up for a sense of fairness, to step back with a sense of dignity, or to reach out to the friend who is being left out, they are growing into the role of a peacemaker, a role that is deeply loved by Allah Almighty. 

In time, they will learn that the friendships that are built on a foundation of compassion are the ones that last the longest and that hurt the least. Each time they are able to make room for someone else, even in a quiet and unassuming way, they are building something that is far greater than just their own popularity; they are building a character that is guided by a sense of faith, of fairness, and of love.