How do I praise patient effort without making speed the goal? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children are incredibly perceptive and quickly learn what their parents truly value. If they sense that speed is the quality that receives the most praise, they will naturally begin to rush through their tasks, often sacrificing care and quality in the process. If they believe that only the final result matters, they may give up when a task becomes difficult. Learning to praise their patient effort, on the other hand, teaches them that perseverance and steady growth are far more important than simply being the fastest. 

Focusing on the Process, Not Just the Outcome 

Instead of offering praise like, ‘Well done, you finished that so quickly!’ try to highlight the qualities that demonstrate their effort and patience. This helps your child to find value in the act of persistence itself, not just in speed. 

• ‘I really like how carefully you worked on that drawing.’ 

• ‘You kept going even when that part was tricky. That shows real patience and strength.’ 

Celebrating Small Steps of Progress 

Acknowledge the small milestones they reach along the way, not just the final completion of the task. This approach turns their own progress into a source of encouragement, which helps to keep their motivation alive. 

• ‘You have worked through that whole line of questions without giving up. That is fantastic.’ 

• ‘I noticed how you took your time to write each of those letters so neatly.’ 

Comparing Them With Their Past Self, Not Others 

Rather than comparing them to a faster sibling or friend, show them how they are progressing in comparison to their past self. 

• ‘Last week, you needed my help on this step, and now you are doing it all by yourself.’ 

• ‘You read that page much more smoothly today than you did yesterday. Your hard work is paying off.’ 

Teaching That Slowness Can Be a Strength 

You can also explicitly teach them that being thoughtful and thorough is often a much more valuable skill than being fast. 

• Child: ‘But I am too slow.’ 

• Parent: ‘You are not slow; you are steady. And being steady and careful is what helps you to get it right. I am proud of how you kept going so patiently.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, patience and steady, consistent effort are seen as the qualities that lead to lasting success, while haste is often discouraged as a source of error. Praising patient effort in our children aligns our parenting with these deep spiritual values. 

Patience Over Haste 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anbiyaa (21), Verses 37: 

‘ Mankind has been created (with the innate disposition) of being hasty; so very soon, I (Allah Almighty) shall make it obvious for them (the infinite truth behind) My Signs; and do not ask Me to expedite that (time).‘ 

This verse reminds us that while human beings are created with an inclination towards haste, true growth and wisdom come through patience and trust in Allah’s timing. 

The Value of Consistent Effort 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 1712, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved prayer to Allah is the prayer of Dawud. He used to sleep half the night, pray one third of it, and sleep one sixth of it.’ 

The example of the Prophet Dawud’s prayer teaches us that balance, steadiness, and regularity in our efforts are more beloved to Allah than uncontrolled bursts of activity followed by inaction. 

By praising your child’s patient effort, you are helping them to redefine strength, associating it with persistence, calmness, and care. They learn to value their own steady progress, a lesson that strengthens not only their ability to learn but also their character and faith.