How Do I Open a Conversation After We Have Argued and Both Feel Stubborn? 

Parenting Perspective 

After an argument, silence can feel like a wall. Both you and your child may be holding your ground, waiting for the other to make the first move. This stubbornness often hides hurt; it is the heart’s way of protecting itself. Reconnecting requires humility, not authority. As the parent, you hold the greater emotional responsibility, not necessarily because you were wrong, but because your maturity gives you the power to rebuild a sense of safety. 

Begin with Emotional Softness, Not Logic 

Arguments rarely end because one person ‘wins’; they end when someone feels heard. Before you reopen the conversation, take a breath, calm your tone, and let go of the impulse to defend your position. Start with an emotional truth rather than a moral lecture: ‘That argument felt very heavy. I did not like how we both ended up feeling so upset.’ 

Such an open and vulnerable statement can disarm defensiveness. It signals that you value the relationship more than you value being right. 

Name the Shared Emotion 

Instead of focusing on the specifics of the issue, focus on the feeling that you both experienced. You could say, ‘It seems like we both felt misunderstood,’ or ‘We both just wanted to be heard, and it came out as anger.’ Using this kind of shared language replaces blame with common ground. If your child is quiet, do not rush to fill the silence. Your presence is often the first bridge back to trust. 

Lead with Accountability 

Even if your child said harsh things, it is powerful to take responsibility for your part first. You might say, ‘I should not have raised my voice. I was feeling frustrated, but I want to listen better next time.’ This humility models emotional intelligence far more effectively than any lecture on respect ever could. When children see their parents apologise, they learn that accountability is a strength, not a weakness. 

Reconnect Before You Resolve 

Do not jump straight into problem-solving. Begin by re-establishing warmth by sharing a snack, taking a short walk, or reading a book together. Physical closeness can help to dissolve emotional resistance. Once a sense of calm has returned, you can gently revisit the topic: ‘Can we talk about what happened earlier so we can understand each other better?’ This shows that arguments do not have to damage love; it is the silence that follows an argument that can. 

Spiritual Insight 

Conflict, when it is handled with humility, can become a path to mercy. Islam emphasises the importance of reconciling hearts quickly, warning against allowing anger to harden our relationships. The parent who reopens a dialogue with gentleness is following the prophetic way, choosing peace over pride. 

Healing Through Forgiveness and Humility 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 40: 

‘And the outcome (of defending) against an evil, (could be the formation) of an evil similar to it; so therefore, whoever offers amnesty and reconciliation, then his reward shall be with Allah (Almighty); indeed, He (Allah Almighty) does not like the transgressors.’ 

This verse reminds us that forgiveness is not a surrender; it is an act of spiritual strength. When you take the first step to reconcile with your child, even if you were not entirely at fault, you are drawing closer to the mercy of Allah Almighty. You can teach your child that seeking peace is an act of faith, a sign of a heart that values connection over control. 

The Prophetic Definition of Strength 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2599, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who overcomes others with his strength, but the one who controls himself while angry.’ 

This Hadith teaches us that emotional restraint is the true measure of power. When you calm yourself after feeling angry and approach your child with compassion, you are living this prophetic example. You can tell your child, ‘We can both be strong by choosing calm words instead of harsh ones.’ Over time, this understanding will transform their view of strength from one of domination to one of dignity. 

When you reopen a conversation after a conflict, you are not just fixing one argument; you are teaching your child how to heal relationships. Your willingness to reach out first shows them that love is resilient and that humility does not weaken respect. 

These moments become lifelong lessons, teaching them that connection is always worth more than victory and that every reconciliation, no matter how small, is a reflection of the forgiveness of Allah Almighty. Your child will learn from your example that while hearts may clash, through faith, patience, and gentle speech, they can always find their way back to one another.