Parenting Perspective 

Children absorb not only our reactions but also the process that leads to them. When you are able to pause before speaking in anger and visibly turn to Allah for help, you show them that faith can guide us even in the most heated of moments. This powerful example teaches them that true strength is found not in the loudness of one’s voice, but in restraint and reliance upon Allah. To model this effectively requires a combination of conscious habits and consistent, gentle reminders. 

Pause and Verbalise Your Dhikr 

Before you respond to a situation that has made you angry, take a moment to say softly, ‘Astaghfirullah,’ or, ‘A’udhu billahi minash shaytanir rajeem.’ Doing this so that they can hear you demonstrates that your first instinct is to seek refuge in Allah, not to give in to your temper. 

Use a Spoken Dua as an Emotional Reset 

Whispering a short, simple supplication can be a very effective way to reset your emotional state. Voicing a quiet plea, such as, ‘Ya Allah, please grant me patience right now,’ in front of your children teaches them that asking Allah for help is the first and most important step in managing strong emotions. 

Physically Change Your State 

You can also model the prophetic sunnah for managing anger. If you are standing, make a conscious effort to sit down. If you are already sitting, you might walk away for a moment to take a breath of fresh air. When your children see you physically changing your state before you react, they form a connection between calmness and obedience to Allah. 

Explain Your Process After You Are Calm 

Once the moment of anger has passed and you are feeling calm again, it can be helpful to briefly explain what you did. Saying, ‘I was feeling very upset, so I asked Allah to help me control my anger before I spoke,’ shows your children that faith is a practical and relevant tool for navigating real-life struggles. 

Through these habits, you model the profound lesson that turning to Allah is not only for formal acts of worship, but is also a vital support for handling difficult emotions, making faith feel both real and relatable. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Quran on the Virtue of Restraining Anger 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse highlights that restraining one’s anger and choosing to pardon others are qualities of the ‘doers of good,’ those who are beloved by Allah. Teaching this to your children helps them to see that controlling their emotions is not just a social skill, but is in fact a noble act of worship. 

Prophetic Wisdom on the Definition of True Strength 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who throws others down, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This hadith powerfully reframes the concept of anger management, presenting it as a sign of true strength, not weakness. By living this principle out in front of your children, pausing and turning to Allah before you respond, you show them that real courage is found in patience. Over time, they will learn that faith provides a powerful shield against anger, helping to shape their own reactions with mercy and self-control.