How do I model self-care so my children learn that limits are healthy? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children learn not only from what we tell them, but also from what they see us practise in our own lives. If parents are constantly running on empty, saying yes to every request and neglecting their own needs, their children may grow up believing that love means self-sacrifice without any boundaries. Showing them your own practice of self-care teaches your children that setting limits is not a selfish act, but an essential part of living well and caring for others effectively. 

Model Healthy Boundaries in Your Daily Life 

You can model healthy boundaries by calmly stating your needs without any guilt. For example, ‘I need just ten minutes to rest before I can help you with your homework,’ or ‘I am putting my phone aside now so that I can take a short walk.’ By naming your needs calmly, you show your child that caring for yourself is a normal and balanced part of life. 

Help Children Understand the Purpose of Limits 

It is helpful to explain, ‘When I take good care of myself, I have more energy to take good care of you too.’ This helps children to see that your self-care is not a form of neglect, but is rather a way of ensuring that your love and care are sustainable. You can also encourage them to practise setting their own limits, for example, by learning to say, ‘I need a quiet break now,’ during a long playtime. 

Demonstrate How Self-Care Fuels Connection 

After you have taken a moment to rest, it is important to reconnect with your child warmly by saying something like, ‘I feel refreshed now. Let us do this next activity together.’ This helps to link your boundaries with renewed energy and affection, helping your child to view self-care as a gift to your relationship, not a withdrawal from it. 

By modelling a balanced approach to self-care, you can teach your children to honour both their own needs and the needs of others, which is a vital foundation for resilience and lifelong emotional health. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic tradition places great emphasis on maintaining a sense of balance in all aspects of life, teaching that believers have a responsibility to care for their own well-being as a trust from God. 

The Islamic Principle of Balance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 67: 

‘And it is those people that do not spend extravagantly, nor miserly; and (act in such a way) that is a balanced format between these two (extreme characteristics).’ 

This verse reminds us that maintaining a healthy balance in all areas of our lives, which includes caring for ourselves, is a quality that is beloved by Allah Almighty. 

The Prophetic Example of Balanced Self-Care 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5199, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, and your wife has a right over you.’ 

This hadith teaches us that neglecting our own well-being is not a sign of piety; true balance means giving each part of our life its due right and attention. 

By demonstrating self-care with a calm confidence, parents are embodying this beautiful Prophetic balance. Children then learn that setting limits is not a barrier to love, but is in fact a way of protecting the health, dignity, and energy that are needed to sustain a loving family life and to draw closer to Allah Almighty.