Parenting Perspective 

The practice of respectful listening is one of the most powerful gifts you can give to both your spouse and your children. When parenting discussions become heated, our first instinct is often to defend our own point of view, rather than to truly hear what the other person is saying. However, our children are always watching us carefully; they will notice whether we listen or interrupt, whether we validate or dismiss one another. By modelling the art of respectful listening, you can teach them that differences of opinion can be handled with patience and maturity. 

Give Your Full and Undivided Attention 

When your spouse is speaking, it is important to pause what you are doing. Try to maintain eye contact, nod occasionally to show you are engaged, and avoid looking at any distractions. This simple act shows your child that true listening is not a passive activity, but is an active form of respect. 

Reflect Back What You Have Heard 

Instead of rushing to formulate your counter-argument, you can try reflecting back what you have just heard by saying something like, ‘So what I am hearing is that you are worried the children’s bedtime is too late, and you would like them to be more rested.’ This reassures your spouse that you have truly understood their point of view before you add your own perspective to the conversation. 

Use Gentle and Respectful Phrases 

You can show your child how to disagree without being disrespectful by using gentle phrases. 

• ‘That is a very good point. I happen to see it a little differently.’ 

• ‘I completely understand your concern. Would it be alright if I shared my side of it?’ 

Take Turns to Speak Without Interruption 

It can be a very helpful practice to agree that each of you will have the chance to talk without being interrupted. This simple habit demonstrates a sense of fairness, and it teaches your child that every voice deserves to be heard. 

Summarise and Find Your Common Ground 

Try to end your discussions by highlighting your shared goals. For example, ‘We both agree that we want our child to feel cared for and to be disciplined in a fair way.’ This helps to shift the focus away from your differences and back towards your unity. 

By modelling these simple habits, you can show your children that respectful listening does not mean that you have to agree on everything, but that you must always honour one another’s dignity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Listening as a Reflection of Islamic Character 

Islam places great emphasis on the qualities of listening with patience, humility, and respect. The way that parents listen to each other is an act of character that helps to set the entire emotional and spiritual tone of a household. 

The Command to Listen and Follow the Best 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verses 18: 

‘Those people that listen attentively to a saying, and then follow what is the best (content) from it; those are the people who have been guided by Allah (Almighty); and those are the people of rational understanding.’ 

This verse reminds us that true wisdom lies not in speaking first, but in listening carefully and then choosing the very best and most beautiful response. 

Listening as a Mark of Responsibility 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 11, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is enough of a lie for a man to speak of everything that he hears.’ 

This hadith teaches us that a part of showing respect is listening carefully, weighing the words we have heard, and responding with a sense of responsibility, rather than just reacting impulsively. By practising attentive and respectful listening in your parenting discussions, you are aligning your family with this beautiful Islamic guidance. Your children will witness that love is expressed not only through the words we speak, but also through the patience we show by listening. They will learn that unity grows just as much from mutual respect as it does from mutual agreement.