How do I model emotional self-regulation when I feel pulled towards my phone? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children learn how to regulate their emotions and impulses by watching how we manage our own. When you feel the urge to reach for your phone whether from habit, boredom, or stress demonstrating restraint in front of your child is a powerful, unspoken lesson in self-control. 

Name the Urge and Choose Deliberately 

You can narrate your internal process in a simple way. Saying aloud, ‘I have a strong urge to check my phone right now, but I am going to wait until we have finished our conversation’, shows your child that it is normal to have an impulse, but that we have the power to choose whether to act on it. 

Create a Pause Ritual 

When you feel that magnetic pull towards your screen, practise a small ‘pause ritual’. This could be as simple as taking one deep breath or taking a sip of water. These tiny moments of delay create a gap between the impulse and the action, teaching your child (and yourself) that urges do not have to be obeyed instantly. 

Replace with a Connection Moment 

If your child is with you, try to channel that restless energy into a moment of connection. Instead of picking up your phone, turn to them and share a funny thought, ask a quick question, or invite them to do something with you. This actively reframes an internal moment of distraction into an external moment of bonding. 

By visibly managing your own impulses, you provide your child with a living, breathing example of how to handle distractions and prioritise the people in front of them. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, self-control (nafs) is a sign of true strength and spiritual maturity. Managing our everyday impulses in front of our children is a practical way of teaching them the virtue of ihsan (excellence) in their own conduct. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Naaziaat (79), Verses 40–41: 

‘But as for those who have feared (for the time) when they will be standing before their Sustainer and restrained their sole from immoral desires; then indeed, Paradise shall be there sanctuary…‘ 

This powerful verse reminds us that restraining the self from harmful or distracting desires, out of consciousness of Allah, is a quality that earns the ultimate reward. This principle can be applied even to the small, daily act of resisting an unnecessary urge. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who is good at wrestling, but the strong man is the one who controls himself in a fit of rage.’ 

This Hadith defines true strength not as physical power, but as mastery over one’s emotions and impulses. This includes the subtle but constant impulse to turn to a screen for distraction instead of remaining present. 

By consciously and visibly resisting the pull of your phone, you model to your child a powerful lesson: that mastery over our own impulses is both possible and praiseworthy. This is a lesson that will serve them not just in managing technology, but in facing all of life’s greater challenges.