How do I manage siblings fighting over speaking time at dinner? 

Parenting Perspective 

Family dinners are meant to be a time of warmth and connection, but they can quickly become overwhelming when siblings constantly compete to speak. These moments, though draining, offer a valuable opportunity to teach your children respect, patience, and the art of active listening, which are skills that will shape their character for life. 

Understand the Need for Validation 

When children argue over who gets to speak, they are often seeking validation more than just airtime. Each child wants to feel that their thoughts and experiences matter. Understanding this allows you to respond with empathy instead of frustration. Rather than reacting to the noise, you can say gently, ‘I can see you both have something important to share. Let us take turns so I can really hear each of you properly.’ This simple acknowledgement reminds them that being heard comes from calmness, not competition. 

Establish a Clear Speaking Structure 

A predictable structure can bring peace to your family meals. Introduce a simple and fair system, such as using a ‘talking object’ like a small stone or a decorative spoon. Explain the rule clearly: ‘Whoever is holding this gets to talk. When you are done, you can pass it on.’ You might start by giving each child a set time to share something about their day. This turns the act of turn-taking into a familiar part of the dinner routine, rather than a rule to be fought against. 

Model the Behaviour You Want to See 

Children learn how to converse by observing the adults around them. If parents interrupt each other or speak over their children, the lesson of patience is lost. Demonstrate how to take turns by saying things like, ‘That is a really interesting thought. Let us hear what your sister thinks about that, too.’ Your calm tone and attentive listening will become their guide, turning dinner into a gentle rhythm of sharing rather than a competition for control. 

Acknowledge and Praise Their Efforts 

Whenever a child waits patiently or makes space for their sibling to speak, highlight it immediately. A simple, ‘I really liked how you waited to speak just then. That was so respectful,’ gives them the motivation to repeat the behaviour. If you notice progress, mention it at the end of the meal: ‘Dinner felt so peaceful today because everyone took turns so well. That made it special for all of us.’ This helps them to connect calm behaviour with a happy family atmosphere. 

Reconnect with Each Child Individually 

Sometimes, fighting for attention at the dinner table reflects a deeper need. Try to give each child some individual, focused time during the day, even if it is just for five minutes. When children feel heard in private, they tend to compete less in public. A brief chat after school or at bedtime reminds them that your love and attention are not limited resources. 

Spiritual Insight 

The dinner table is not only a place of physical nourishment but also a classroom for the soul, where manners, gratitude, and humility are practised daily. Islam emphasises the importance of dignity and consideration in speech. Teaching these manners transforms a simple meal into an act of spiritual refinement. 

The Quranic Counsel on Respectful Conversation 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 18–19: 

‘“And do not turn your cheek from people (in pride and contempt), and do not walk on the Earth in self-glory; indeed, Allah (Almighty) does not love those (people who believe in) self-aggrandizement and boasting. And be modest in your attitude and lower your voice (in dealing with people); as indeed, the harshest of all sounds, is the noise of the donkeys”.’ 

This verse reminds us that moderation and humility, even in our tone of voice, are reflections of good character. By guiding your children to speak calmly and wait their turn, you are nurturing adab (refined manners) and humility in their hearts. 

The Prophetic Link Between Calmness and Faith 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4184, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Modesty is part of faith, and faith is in Paradise. Foul speech is part of callousness, and callousness is in the Fire.’ 

Explanation: This hadith reminds both parents and children that speaking gently and waiting patiently are reflections of faith and discipline. Family discussions should be a means of nurturing calmness, which is a mark of true belief, rather than haste or loudness. 

When siblings learn to share speaking time peacefully, they are learning how to live in harmony. Each calm conversation becomes a small act of worship, reflecting fairness, patience, and gratitude. Your consistency as a parent, in reminding gently and modelling patience, builds a lasting sense of respect. Over time, your dinner table will no longer echo with interruptions, but with gentle exchanges where each child knows they will be heard and valued.