How do I make sure my child does not internalise that my anger means they are unloved? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Child’s Perspective 

Children lack the emotional intelligence to distinguish between love and anger. They frequently interpret your strained expression or elevated voice as an indication that you are evil or no longer liked. 

The Power of Reassurance 

For this reason, reassurance needs to be proactive, explicit, and persistent. Say softly, I got angry, but I still love you, once the moment has passed. That will not ever alter. Say it more than once, not simply to apologise, and especially while you are feeling calm. Support it with nonverbal cues of safety, such as a shared nightly routine, a calm tone, a gentle glance, and an unhurried embrace. Prove to them that a quarrel does not end a connection. Remind them that mistakes are normal. Even when you are upset, and even when I am upset too, I still love you. This is the cornerstone of emotional security, not spoiling. 

The Long-Term Benefit 

Not less, but more resilient, are children who understand that love is constant. To be near you, they do not have to be flawless. And later in life, this inner stability serves as a barrier against harsh self-talk, insecurity, and humiliation. Their inner voice becomes more sympathetic when they realise that your love endures despite disagreements. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam does not link Divine love to perfection. Allah Almighty reminds us in Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 54: 

“then very soon Allah (Almighty) shall bring forth (i.e. substitute) that nation who (Allah Almighty) loves, and who (truly) love Him; (who shall be) humble towards the believers.… “

In divine terms, the link of love endures despite our shortcomings. In a similar vein, even when he was corrected, the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ showed kindness. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2593, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

“Allah Almighty is kind, and He loves kindness and confers upon kindness which he does not confer upon severity and does not confer upon anything else besides it (kindness). “

After your anger, show your child kindness by reassuring them often, not just once. This illustrates that when things go wrong, love does not turn aloof. It establishes love as a constant rather than a reward. A child’s heart stays delicate in that anchoring, linked to Allah Almighty and to you.