Parenting Perspective 

When raising a neurodiverse child, whether they are autistic, have ADHD, or other unique needs, the clarity and fairness of rules are especially important. An instruction that seems obvious to you may feel confusing or overwhelming to your child if it is not presented in a way that matches their processing style. The goal is not to lower your expectations, but to adjust your method of explaining rules so that your child feels respected and capable of meeting them. 

Use Clear and Simple Language 

Avoid using vague or abstract statements like ‘Be good’ or ‘Behave yourself properly.’ It is far more effective to break rules down into clear, concrete steps. For example, instead of ‘Tidy your room,’ you might say, ‘Please put your books on the shelf and your clothes in the basket.’ Short, direct, and concrete rules reduce the chance of misinterpretation and help a child to know exactly what is expected of them. 

Add Visual and Sensory Support 

Visual aids such as charts, pictograms, or colour-coded cues can make abstract rules much easier to grasp. For instance, a green card for ‘allowed’ activities and a red card for ‘not allowed’ can make a boundary instantly clear without the need for repeated verbal explanations. For many children, a consistent daily routine supported by a visual timetable helps rules to feel predictable and less arbitrary. 

Ensure Rules Feel Fair 

Neurodiverse children often have a very strong sense of justice and fairness. It is crucial to always explain the reason behind a rule in a way they can understand. For example: ‘The reason we have a rule about only eating at the table is to keep the house clean for everyone.’ When the rules make logical sense, children are far more likely to respect them, even if they do not always like them. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the principles of fairness and clarity, reminding us that guidance should never be confusing or unjust. Parents are entrusted to teach their children in a way that is both merciful and accessible, recognising that every child learns and understands differently. 

The Duty of Clear Understanding 

The Quran reminds us that we are accountable for how we receive and process knowledge through our unique faculties. This implies a duty upon those who teach, including parents, to provide guidance in a way that can be truly grasped. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 36: 

‘And do not pursue (to meddle in matters) with which you have no knowledge; indeed, your hearing (everything you heard), your sight (everything you observed), your conscience (everything you thought), in fact, all of these (your faculties) shall be called for questioning (on the Day of Judgment).’ 

The Principle of Making Things Easy 

The prophetic tradition strongly encourages an approach to guidance that is gentle, encouraging, and easy to follow, rather than one that is harsh or drives people away. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 636, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult, give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’ 

When parents ensure that rules feel fair and understandable, they are embodying the beautiful balance of mercy and justice taught in Islam. This approach not only builds compliance but also nurtures the child’s sense of dignity and belonging, helping them to thrive.