How do I know if our everyday bickering is becoming ‘normalised’ for our child? 

Parenting Perspective 

You will recognise that bickering is becoming normalised when your child no longer reacts to it—not because they are unaffected, but because they are adapting to it. If they begin to ignore raised voices, roll their eyes, mimic the same tone in their speech, or attempt to resolve conflict through sarcasm or stubbornness, it is a clear signal that they are internalising this emotional friction as a baseline for interaction. 

Children do not require shouting to feel emotionally unsettled. Repeated passive-aggressive tones, sighs, eye-rolling, or impatient exchanges can quietly erode their sense of emotional safety. 

It is also worth observing how your child interacts with others. Do they interrupt, snap, or use dismissive phrases in their daily conversations? Do they role-play arguments between adults or make remarks about you “always fighting”? These are indicators that the emotional climate of the home is becoming their blueprint for social interaction. Even if it seems harmless at present, normalising such disharmony in childhood can impair their sense of stability and capacity for empathy later in life. 

What to Notice in Your Child’s Reactions 

• They become desensitised—no longer startled by conflict, but simply resigned to it. 

• They begin mimicking the bickering behaviour in their play or conversation. 

• They take on the role of a peacekeeper, frequently stepping in to mediate or create a distraction. 

• They either withdraw emotionally or become unusually clingy following routine arguments. 

These cues should not be viewed as criticisms, but rather as invitations to pause and adjust your approach. Begin by consciously noticing these moments—the sighs, the sarcastic remarks, the tension before bedtime—and gently acknowledge them: “We have been a little sharp with each other today. Let us reset.” Afterwards, model emotional repair in front of your child through a softer tone, a sincere apology, or even shared humour. This teaches them that discord is not where connection ends, but where growth can begin. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam does not demand perfection from families, but it does call us to uphold dignity and gentleness in our speech, particularly within our closest relationships. The way we speak in moments of frustration either builds the soul of a home or quietly erodes it. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them…. ‘

This verse serves as a powerful reminder that careless words create opportunities for division, not only between spouses but also within the hearts of those who witness such exchanges. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609b, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong one is not the one who overcomes others by strength, but the one who controls himself while in anger. ‘

True strength, therefore, is not found in silencing a partner or winning an argument. It lies in the capacity to pause, soften one’s tone, and choose responses that your child will one day be grateful for, even if that gratitude is never spoken aloud.