How do I know if my child feels overlooked because of constant tech use in our home? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children will rarely state directly, ‘I feel overlooked’, but their behaviour is often a clear indicator that they feel they are competing with screens for your attention. You might notice they stop sharing details about their day, offer only brief answers to your questions, or retreat into their own digital world. Sometimes, they may linger near you without speaking—a quiet signal that they want to connect but are unsure if you are truly available. 

Look for Signs of Withdrawal or Acting Out 

Every child responds differently. Some may react to feeling overlooked by withdrawing and becoming unusually quiet, while others might do the opposite and begin acting out to reclaim your focus. Both of these patterns can be a sign of the same underlying issue: an unmet need for connection. 

Pay Attention to ‘Attention Bids’ 

Pay close attention to how you respond to your child’s ‘bids’ for your attention. If they try to talk to you while you are on a device and are met with a distracted or delayed answer, they will eventually stop trying. Phrases from them like, ‘Never mind, it is not important’, are a red flag that they have started to feel unheard. 

Ask Directly in a Safe Way 

Sometimes, it is helpful to ask directly, but in a safe and gentle way. A confrontational question like, ‘Do you feel ignored?’ can put a child on the defensive. Instead, try a softer approach, such as, ‘I was wondering, do you ever wish I put my phone away more often when we are together?’. This opens the door for an honest answer. 

By noticing these cues early and making small adjustments to your own habits, you send your child the most important message of all: that they will never have to compete for your presence. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, being attentive to our loved ones is a practical sign of mercy and respect. Prioritising a child over a digital distraction is not just good parenting, but a reflection of the beautiful character our faith encourages. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 19: 

‘And be modest in your attitude and lower your voice (in dealing with people)…’ 

This advice to be moderate in our pace is a reminder to slow down. By intentionally slowing our pace, both physically and mentally, we create the necessary space in our lives to truly listen to and value the people around us. 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 684, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When he spoke to a person, he would turn his whole body towards them.’ 

This beautiful physical act of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ teaches us that giving someone our undivided attention is a profound form of respect and care. It is a non-verbal way of saying, ‘You are the most important thing to me in this moment’. 

By watching for these subtle signs, listening with your full attention, and adjusting your own habits, you help to create a home where your child feels truly seen and valued. This not only strengthens your bond but also models the timeless Islamic principle that genuine human connection is always more precious than a digital distraction.