How do I keep steady if my child screams in the car park after a refusal? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child begins to scream in a car park after you have said no, it can feel like a perfect storm of stress. You are in a public space, people may be watching, and safety concerns heighten the tension. Your first instinct might be to rush, argue, or try to hush them out of embarrassment. In that moment, however, your calm is their anchor. What feels like chaos to you is a moment of confusion for them. Staying steady is not just about maintaining control; it is about teaching your child that even in the midst of noise, love and patience do not disappear. 

Understanding the Screaming 

Car parks can be overwhelming places for a child, filled with noise, bright lights, and constant movement. When you say ‘no’ and your child has an outburst, it is rarely an act of rebellion. It is more likely a case of overstimulation meeting disappointment. Their senses are full, their emotions are raw, and their logic has taken a backseat. Recognising this helps you to respond as a guide, not as a judge. 

Grounding Yourself First 

When the screaming starts, it is vital to pause. Take a long, deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Lower your shoulders and silently remind yourself: my calmness keeps us both safe. Do not focus on who might be watching. Your primary responsibility is to preserve peace and safety, not your public image. 

A Calm and Safe Script 

Here is how you can respond when your child screams in the car park after a refusal: 

• Ensure safety first: Gently move them away from any traffic or immediate danger. Speak softly but firmly, saying, ‘We cannot stand here. Let us move somewhere safe.’ 

• Acknowledge their emotion calmly: ‘You are upset because I said no. I understand that you are feeling disappointed.’ 

• Hold your boundary: ‘However, screaming will not change my answer. When you are calm, we can get to the car together.’ 

• Use your calm body to lead: Walk slowly towards the car, remaining silent if you need to. Your physical steadiness communicates a sense of safety and control. 

If They Refuse to Move 

If your child refuses to walk or begins to scream even louder, crouch down to their level and keep your voice gentle. You could say, ‘I cannot let us stay here. You have a choice: you can walk by yourself, or you can hold my hand to the car. Which would you like?’ This offers a controlled choice, giving them a sense of power within safe boundaries. If necessary, you may need to lift them calmly and without anger, using slow movements and few words. The less energy you add to the situation, the faster the storm will pass. 

Reflection After the Moment 

Once the car door is closed and silence has returned, take a short pause before you speak. Then, say gently, ‘That was a difficult moment for you. You were very upset because I said no, but we still managed to get to the car safely. I know it is hard, but learning to calm down will make you stronger.’ Later, when everyone is settled, you can remind them that loud reactions do not bring results, but calm words do. 

Spiritual Insight 

Your composure in that car park is an act of sabr (patience) and rahmah (mercy). Islam honours those who meet difficulty with gentleness, especially when emotions are high. While the car park may feel chaotic to others, in the sight of Allah Almighty, it is a quiet opportunity for you to practise the patience that He loves most: a mercy that holds firm under pressure. 

The Strength of Calmness in the Quran 

The Quran reminds us that true strength is found not in controlling others, but in controlling ourselves. When you remain calm in the middle of public chaos, you are embodying the goodness that Allah Almighty loves. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Example of Gentleness 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that gentleness beautifies every situation, a powerful reminder for a parent in a moment of public tension. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4808, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.’ 

When you stay composed as your child screams, you are turning a moment of tension into one of teaching, showing that calmness, not a desire for control, is what truly restores order. 

When your child screams in the car park, your calm response becomes their safe place amid the noise and their own big feelings. You are showing them that your love is not shaken by their volume, and that firm limits can exist with warmth. 

Each time you remain steady, you teach your child that strength does not need to shout; it simply needs peace. Over time, they will remember not the scream, but your stillness, the moment you chose mercy over embarrassment and patience over pride, trusting that a calmness guided by faith will always lead everyone safely home.