How do I keep praise balanced so siblings do not feel overlooked? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child consistently receives the majority of praise, it can inadvertently create feelings of jealousy or inadequacy in their siblings. To maintain family harmony, it is crucial for parents to deliver recognition thoughtfully and equitably. A key strategy is to praise effort and improvement, not just results. For instance, instead of only praising the child who finishes a task first, acknowledge the persistence or care shown by all children: “I noticed how carefully you folded your clothes today.” This approach validates each child’s unique contribution and helps to prevent a competitive atmosphere. 

Rotate Attention with Specific Praise 

A practical method is to rotate the focus of your praise throughout the day, ensuring each child receives positive attention for their distinct actions. It is vital to use specific, individualised feedback rather than generic phrases. For example, saying, “I really appreciate how you helped your sibling clear the table,” is far more impactful than a simple “Good job!” This specificity helps each child feel seen and valued for their unique efforts, discouraging direct comparisons with their siblings. 

Model Inclusive Appreciation 

Parents must also model inclusive recognition by openly appreciating cooperative and shared efforts. Commenting on teamwork during chores, for instance, sends a powerful message: “I love how you both worked together to tidy the room; it makes everything smoother for our family.” This demonstrates that collective success stems from combined contributions, which encourages mutual respect and collaboration. Over time, children will internalise the idea that praise is not a limited resource but a reflection of shared responsibility and care for one another. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fairness as an Expression of Justice 

Islamic teachings place profound emphasis on justice (Adl) and balance, not only in public dealings but also within the intimate circle of the family. Parents are entrusted with the duty to uphold fairness between their children—emotionally, materially, and spiritually. When praise is distributed equitably and thoughtfully, it becomes an act of justice that mirrors the divine standard of balance Allah Almighty commands. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 13: 
‘O mankind, indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have created you all from one man and one woman; and placed you amongst various nations and tribes for your introduction to each other…’ 

This verse reminds families that diversity and individuality are blessings to be acknowledged and appreciated, not causes for comparison. By recognising each child’s distinct strengths, parents teach that equality does not mean sameness; it means valuing each contribution in its own right. 

Mercy and Recognition of Every Heart 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ modelled perfect fairness and tenderness in his treatment of companions and family alike. His approach teaches that love and recognition must be distributed with justice and compassion. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 
‘He who does not show mercy to our young ones, nor respect to our elders, is not one of us.’ 

This hadith underscores that mercy and attention are not privileges but essential parts of faith. In parenting, this means tuning in to each child’s emotional world and ensuring no heart feels unseen. 

Cultivating Spiritual Equity at Home 

When parents consciously balance their praise, they nurture both humility in the child who receives it and reassurance in the one who observes it. This creates a spiritually secure home, where every child feels that love and recognition are not scarce rewards to be competed for but steady reflections of justice and compassion. Through fairness in praise, parents mirror Allah Almighty’s divine balance—building a home that radiates emotional harmony, moral discipline, and deep spiritual peace.