How do I keep patience when my child yells at me for ending playtime? 

Parenting Perspective 

When playtime comes to an end and your child begins yelling in frustration, it can feel very discouraging, especially when you feel that you have already allowed them a fair amount of fun. You might find yourself thinking, ‘Why can they not just stop without all the shouting?’ However, their yelling is not necessarily an act of defiance; it is an emotional struggle with the transition. Children can lose themselves in their world of play, and when that sense of joy is abruptly interrupted, their brains can experience a feeling of disappointment before they are able to understand the reason for it. The key to finding your own patience in that moment is to see beyond the noise and to focus on connection over control. 

Understanding the Emotional Reaction 

Play can bring a child a sense of freedom, of mastery, and of pure happiness. When you announce that it is over, they can experience an emotional ‘drop’, a sharp shift from a state of excitement to one of loss. Their outburst is not about you being unfair; it is about them not yet having the skills to be able to manage that shift in a calm and considered way. Seeing the situation from this perspective can help to transform your own response from one of anger to one of empathy. 

Grounding Yourself Before You Respond 

Your first goal in these situations is not to quieten your child, but to remain composed yourself. You can achieve this by taking a pause and a deep breath before you speak, as this can help to stop your own emotions from joining in with theirs. You can also try to soften your own posture and your tone of voice by speaking more slowly. The act of lowering your own voice can often invite them to lower theirs in return. Reacting loudly to their yelling will only reinforce the idea that it is the volume of our voice that wins an argument. 

A Calm and Reassuring Script 

Here is an example of what you can say when your child is yelling about playtime having to end. 

• Acknowledge their feeling: ‘I know that you are feeling upset because our playtime has ended. It is hard to have to stop when you are having so much fun.’ 

• Set the boundary in a gentle way: ‘It is okay for you to feel angry about this, but yelling is not how we talk to each other in our family.’ 

• Offer a bridge to a state of calm: ‘Let us take a deep breath together now, and when you are feeling ready, we can tidy up and do something relaxing instead.’ 

• End with a sense of reassurance: ‘I do understand that this is hard for you right now, but you will get to play again tomorrow.’ 

Taking a Moment for Reflection After the Outburst 

When your child has had a chance to settle, you can talk about the incident with them in a brief and a gentle way. ‘You were feeling really upset earlier, but you were able to calm your body down so well. That is a good sign that you are growing up.’ You can then brainstorm with them some ways to make these kinds of transitions feel smoother next time, such as by giving them a ‘five-minute warning’ before their playtime has to end. 

Spiritual Insight 

The moments when your child’s frustration collides with your own patience are a test of your character. They are small but significant spiritual exercises. Our faith of Islam calls on us to respond to any provocation not with a pure reaction, but with sabr (patience) and with rahmah (mercy). When you are able to restrain your own anger and to respond to your child with a sense of calm, you are not just parenting; you are in fact worshipping through your own self-control. 

Finding Patience in Our Emotional Trials 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 200: 

‘O you who are believers, be patient, and be resilient, and be constant, and attain piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may be successful.’ 

This verse reminds us that a sense of endurance, of being able to remain steady through our own feelings of frustration, is what can lead us to a state of ultimate success. When your child is yelling and you are able to remain patient with them, you are embodying this beautiful command, showing them that our real strength is to be found not in our immediate reaction, but in our ability to endure with a sense of grace. 

The Prophetic Example of Calm Authority 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4021, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A believer who mixes with people and bears their harm with patience will have a greater reward than one who does not mix with them and does not bear their harm.’ 

This hadith fits this situation so beautifully because it is a mirror of the parenting experience. The act of living so closely with our children means that we will inevitably have to face their outbursts from time to time, and yet we can still choose to respond with a sense of patience over one of anger. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ always led with a sense of calm compassion and was never known to have shouted in a moment of frustration. 

When your child is yelling because their playtime has ended, your own calmness in that moment becomes the quiet force that can teach them the art of emotional control. They are watching how you are handling their storm, and they are learning from you that your love for them does not have to vanish when your boundaries appear. 

Every calm breath that you are able to take in these moments is a profound lesson for them in both strength and in serenity. Over time, your child will remember not the moment that their playtime had to end, but the way that you were able to remain so patient, so kind, and so steady in your love for them. 

In that precious memory, they will be able to find their own model of restraint and of mercy, one that is a true reflection of the very patience that is so deeply and so dearly loved by Allah Almighty.