How do I keep calm when siblings argue about who shares their story first? 

Parenting Perspective 

At the end of a long day, you look forward to hearing about your children’s adventures, but within moments, the conversation can descend into a competition of raised voices. These situations can test the patience of any parent. Yet beneath the noise, each child is simply yearning to be heard and validated. The solution lies not in controlling their voices, but in managing your own by choosing calm over chaos. 

Pause Before You React 

When an argument begins, the first and most crucial step is to take a breath before you intervene. Your tone will shape the entire moment. If you respond with frustration, the noise will only grow. A neutral phrase, such as, ‘I cannot hear anyone when we all talk at once. Let us take turns so I can listen to each of you properly,’ communicates authority without anger. Children often mirror the energy in the room; if you remain grounded, they are more likely to settle as well. 

Establish a Clear ‘Sharing Order’ 

To prevent these arguments from repeating, introduce a calm and predictable system for sharing stories. You might say, ‘Every evening, we will take turns to share something from our day. Today, Ayaan will go first, and tomorrow it will be Maryam’s turn.’ 

You can make this visual by writing the order on a small chart. This simple structure turns a point of tension into a familiar routine. Children thrive on predictability because it removes uncertainty and, with it, the need to fight for attention. 

Use Gentle but Firm Phrases 

When an argument resurfaces despite the system, respond with steadiness rather than irritation. Use calm and reassuring scripts, such as: 

• ‘I want to hear from both of you, but not at the same time.’ 

• ‘I will listen to one story first, and then we will move to the next.’ 

• ‘Your story matters, too. I promise I will listen right after.’ 

These phrases blend empathy with control, letting your children know that fairness is guaranteed and does not need to be earned by shouting. 

Model Active Listening 

Children learn how to communicate by watching you. As each child speaks, give them your full attention. Make eye contact, nod, and respond in a meaningful way. When they see you listening so attentively, they begin to value the act of listening itself. After one child has finished, thank them and turn to the next with equal warmth, signalling that respect is consistent and unconditional. 

Reframe the Moment to Stay Calm 

It is easy to view these noisy moments as failures in discipline, but they are in fact valuable opportunities to teach emotional control. Every time you remain calm, you are modelling the very self-regulation you want your children to develop. If you feel overwhelmed, ground yourself with a silent dhikr (remembrance of Allah) or take a brief pause by saying, ‘Let us all take a deep breath together and start again.’ This approach transforms a moment of frustration into one of connection. 

Spiritual Insight 

Moments of chaos at home test more than just our patience; they test our sabr, the steady faith that allows love to guide our behaviour. Islam teaches that calmness and fairness are forms of strength, and the family home is one of the best places to practise them. Teaching children to take turns is not only about good manners; it is about nurturing humility, respect, and an awareness of the rights of others. 

The Quranic Virtue of Calmness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse reminds us that controlling our anger and choosing gentleness are acts of ihsan (excellence in faith). By calming yourself before you respond to your children, you are modelling this verse in action. You are showing them that love and composure can coexist, even in moments of tension. 

The Prophetic Example of Good Character 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 278, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one who is best in attitude.’ 

This hadith teaches that our composure, especially within the home, is a reflection of the strength of our faith. When you respond to sibling arguments with grace rather than anger, you are embodying this noble character. Your calmness becomes an act of worship, a moment where faith is lived, not just spoken. 

When siblings argue to be heard, they are not being disobedient; they are simply learning how to coexist. Your calm guidance teaches them that every voice will be valued in its turn and that shouting is never the path to being understood. As you maintain your own patience, your children will begin to mirror it. The home will grow quieter not because you demand silence, but because you embody peace.