Parenting Perspective 

Rebuilding trust is about ensuring that actions align with words and creating a safe, respectful environment where accountability is a shared value. However, it is important that this accountability does not feel like surveillance or an invasion of privacy. Accountability should come from a place of mutual respect and understanding, rather than control. The goal is to foster an atmosphere of honesty and transparency, where both you and your child feel safe to grow without being constantly monitored. 

Set Clear Expectations Through Open Communication 

Rather than continuously checking up on your child, it is more effective to set clear expectations and discuss them openly. This approach helps to build accountability in a way that feels supportive rather than controlling, and it shows that you trust your child to be responsible. 

You could say: ‘I trust you to be responsible, and I expect us both to stay true to our promises. If something goes wrong, we can talk about it openly.’ 

This frames accountability as a collaboration, not a system of surveillance. 

Lead by Example 

One of the most effective ways to encourage accountability without surveillance is to model it yourself. When you take responsibility for your own actions, it encourages the same behaviour in your child without needing to enforce it constantly. This teaches them that accountability is a natural part of any healthy relationship. 

You might say: ‘I made a mistake earlier, and I take full responsibility for it. I will work on being more patient next time.’ 

This demonstrates that accountability is part of personal growth and encourages your child to also take ownership of their actions. 

Encourage Open Reflection 

Instead of focusing on constant oversight, encourage open and honest communication. By creating a space where you can both reflect on situations and share your thoughts, it becomes easier to hold each other accountable in a respectful and understanding way. 

You could say: ‘If something happens or if you feel I have made a mistake, please let me know so we can work on it together. I want us both to feel comfortable talking about things.’ 

This approach encourages mutual trust and transparency, making accountability a shared goal. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, true accountability is rooted in sincerity, respect, and trust. It is about fostering an environment of honesty and responsibility, not one of constant monitoring. Holding ourselves and others accountable in a balanced and respectful way is a key aspect of building strong, trustworthy relationships. 

Accountability is Based on Justice, Not Suspicion 

The noble Quran highlights the importance of fairness and justice in our relationships. Holding each other accountable is not about suspicion or control but about acting justly, with trust and respect. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mumtahanah (60), Verse 8: 

‘You are not forbidden by Allah (Almighty) from being righteous and showing clemency upon those (disbelieving) people that do not fight (you in following) your pathway of life (compliant with existential nature as created by Allah Almighty), and do not evict you from your homes; indeed, Allah (Almighty) loves those people who show clemency.‘ 

This verse reminds us that our interactions should be based on righteousness and justice, which are the foundations of true accountability. 

Accountability Should Come from a Place of Love 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ encourage us to treat others with the same love and consideration we desire for ourselves. Accountability should therefore be built on a foundation of kindness and trust, not monitoring. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 5017, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’ 

When we model this behaviour, we teach our children the importance of self-accountability and responsibility, which are far more powerful than any form of external surveillance.