Parenting Perspective 

Older siblings can play a valuable role in maintaining a peaceful and structured home. However, if they become too forceful or critical in their approach, it can create tension and resentment with their younger siblings. The goal is to involve them as positive role models and gentle supporters of the family rules, not as substitute parents or enforcers. 

Give Them a Role of Example, Not Enforcer 

Explain to your older child that their most important job is to show their younger siblings how the rules are followed, not to boss them around. For example, you could say, ‘When you put your own toys away after playing, your little brother will learn by copying you.’ Their positive modelling is far more powerful than policing. 

Encourage Gentle Reminders Only 

It is appropriate to allow older siblings to give small, gentle reminders, such as, ‘Remember, there are no shoes allowed on the sofa.’ However, you should make it very clear to them that implementing any consequences is always handled by the parents. This helps to prevent power struggles and keeps the relationship between the siblings positive and supportive. 

Appreciate Their Contribution 

When you notice an older sibling helping a routine to run smoothly, make sure to acknowledge their contribution. A simple word of thanks, such as, ‘Thank you for reminding your sister that it was time for bed,’ helps them to feel that their support is recognised and valued. This encourages them to continue helping in a calm and positive way. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that family members have mutual responsibilities towards one another, with the elder guiding the younger with mercy and patience. The role of an older sibling is not to dominate, but to nurture, reflecting the gentle example of the Prophet ﷺ. 

Shared Responsibility in Family Guidance 

The Quran teaches that guiding and protecting the family is a shared responsibility, one that should be carried out with a sense of care and compassion by all its members. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verses 6: 

‘ O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones…’ 

The Importance of Mercy for the Young 

The prophetic tradition establishes a clear code of conduct for family interactions, where older members are expected to lead with kindness and mercy, not harshness. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who does not show mercy to our young or respect to our elders is not one of us.’ 

By involving your older siblings calmly and respectfully, you are reflecting these core Islamic values. Your children learn that household rules are part of a loving family culture, upheld together with patience and mutual respect.