How do I involve my child in making tech boundaries so they feel heard? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children have a role in setting technology boundaries, they are far more likely to respect and follow them because they feel their voice has been heard. This involvement shows them that rules are not created to control them, but to protect and care for the well-being of the whole family. 

Begin with Active Listening 

Start by asking open-ended questions to understand their perspective. You could ask, ‘What do you enjoy most about your device?’ or ‘Are there times when you think screens get in the way of other fun things?’ Listen to their answers without interrupting to show that their input is genuinely valued. 

Collaborate on Solutions 

Rather than simply dictating the new limits, invite them to find a solution with you. Frame it as a team effort: ‘We need to find a good balance between our screen time and other activities. What ideas do you have?’ This allows you to shape the boundaries together, blending their input with your parental guidance. 

Write and Display the Agreement 

Once you have reached an agreement, write the boundaries down together and place them somewhere visible, like on the fridge. By calling it a ‘family media agreement’ rather than ‘the rules’, you reinforce the spirit of teamwork and shared responsibility. 

When a child helps to design the boundaries, they view them as a shared commitment instead of an external demand. This fosters a sense of responsibility and strengthens mutual respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the principle of shura (mutual consultation) is highly valued in decision-making as it fosters unity and cooperation. Applying this within the family by involving children in discussions builds trust and teaches them the importance of respectful dialogue. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 38: 

‘And those people that respond to (the (commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them.‘ 

This verse highlights that consultation is a sign of a healthy and cooperative community, a principle that begins within the family unit. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 3895, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.’ 

This teaches us that true excellence includes kindness and fairness within the home, which involves hearing the voices of our children and treating them with respect. 

By giving your child an active role in shaping the family’s technology boundaries, you honour this principle of consultation. This nurtures their sense of belonging and their ability to contribute responsibly to family life.