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How do I involve my child in creating their own calming strategies or quiet-down plans?

Parenting Perspective

Engaging your child in developing their own calming techniques allows them to feel more in charge and accountable for their emotions. Kids are more inclined to use methods they had a hand in selecting. Start by talking about what makes them feel at ease when they are feeling distressed. Consider straightforward choices like taking slow breaths, finding a quiet place to sit, listening to soothing sounds, or squeezing a soft item. Let the child choose a few options they prefer and work together to develop a straightforward ‘quiet-down plan,’ possibly incorporating pictures or drawings.

Ensure that the strategies are suitable for the age group and can be easily applied in real situations. Keep any physical items, such as a sensory object or a recording of Quran recitation, in a specific area meant for relaxation. Practise the steps together during calm moments so the child can get to know the tools before feeling emotionally overwhelmed. This approach not only aids the child in developing self-control but also strengthens the trust and collaboration between parent and child.

Spiritual Insight

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verse 53: ‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins; indeed, He is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful. ‘ This verse reflects a broader truth emotional mistakes and moments of loss of control are not beyond redemption. Children must know that returning to calm and seeking peace is always possible. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1930, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: ‘Whoever relieves a Muslim of a burden from the burdens of the world, Allah will relieve him of a burden from the burdens on the Day of Judgement. And whoever helps ease a difficulty in the world, Allah will grant him ease from a difficulty in the world and in the Hereafter…’ Helping your child manage their emotional distress using spiritual and practical tools is an act of kindness. Incorporate basic Islamic practices into the quiet-down plan, like saying Bismillah before taking deep breaths or listening to a gentle recitation of the Quran. These moments of tranquilly serve as expressions of belief and also as means for personal development.

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