How do I help them try again after a tough loss on stage or field? 

Parenting Perspective 

A tough loss in front of others, whether on stage during a play or recital, or on the sports field during a match, can feel crushing for a child. The pressure, the disappointment, and the sting of public failure may make them want to avoid trying again. They may say things like “I never want to do this again” or “I am just not good at it.” In these moments, your support can mean the difference between a child who gives up and one who learns the vital lesson of resilience. 

Acknowledge the Depth of Their Disappointment 

Begin by validating their emotions instead of rushing to cheer them up or offer solutions: 

• ‘I can see that losing today really hurt, especially after all your hard work.’ 

• ‘It is normal to feel like you do not want to try again right now after an experience like that.’ 

This tells them that their emotions are real and safe to express, which in turn helps them to release their pain rather than bottling it up. 

Reframe the Loss as a Step, Not the End 

Help them to see this failure as just one part of the much longer process of growth: 

• ‘Every great athlete, actor, or scholar in history has had tough losses just like this before they improved.’ 

• ‘Losing today does not mean you cannot win tomorrow. It just means you are still on the journey of learning.’ 

By reframing the loss, you teach your child that setbacks are not permanent verdicts on their ability. 

Remind Them of Their Past Resilience 

Encourage them by gently recalling other times they have managed to bounce back: 

• ‘Do you remember when you did not do so well last time, but you tried again and saw a big improvement?’ 

• ‘You have shown before that you have the strength to get up after a setback. This is another chance to do the same.’ 

This simple reminder helps to reinforce their identity as someone who is capable of resilience. 

Teach Practical Strategies for Trying Again 

• Set small goals: Instead of them aiming for perfection next time, help them to focus on one small skill to improve before the next attempt. 

• Break the fear cycle: Encourage them to rejoin practice relatively quickly, so that the feeling of avoidance does not have time to grow into a bigger anxiety. 

• Use reflection, not blame: Ask gentle questions like, ‘What part do you think went well? What could you do a little differently next time?’ 

• Visualise success: Guide them to spend a few moments imagining themselves performing calmly and confidently at the next opportunity. 

These strategies give them a structured and proactive way to face future challenges, rather than simply avoiding them. 

Share Stories of Famous Comebacks 

Children are often inspired by real and relatable examples: 

• Talk about famous athletes who lost crucial matches but went on to win championships. 

• Mention public speakers who stumbled badly on one occasion but became renowned for their skill later on. 

• Share a story from your own life about a time you failed at something but then returned stronger. 

Such stories help to normalise setbacks and show that greatness often grows from the soil of failure. 

Encourage a Forward-Facing Mindset 

Help them to see that the real victory is found not in never losing, but in the courage to try again: 

• ‘Winners are not the people who never fail, but the ones who never stop trying.’ 

• ‘Every time you get up and try again after a tough loss, you are becoming stronger than you were before.’ 

This helps to shift their focus away from the sting of immediate failure and towards the promise of long-term growth. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that true strength is found not in avoiding loss, but in showing patience, persistence, and faith when things go wrong. A tough public loss, whether on stage or on the sports field, is an opportunity to teach your child that what matters most is not the stumble, but how they choose to rise afterwards. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Inshirah (94), Verses 5–6: 

‘Thus with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty). Indeed, with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty).’ 

This verse is a powerful reminder that no hardship lasts forever. With every painful moment comes the potential for relief and growth. For your child, it is a powerful reminder that this feeling of loss is temporary, and that with patience, ease and growth will surely follow. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 1317, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This hadith teaches that true strength is found in emotional resilience. For your child, learning to control their disappointment and having the courage to try again is a sign of real strength in the sight of Allah. 

By grounding their experience in these teachings, you show your child that resilience is an act of faith. Every time they try again after a loss, they are living the noble values of sabr (patience) and tawakkul (trust in Allah). 

Over time, they will learn that one tough loss does not define them. What defines them is the courage to rise, to try again, and to trust in the wisdom of Allah Almighty in every outcome. With your encouragement, they will grow into confident and resilient young believers who learn to see every setback not as a wall, but as a stepping stone to greater strength.