How do I help them spot classmates who are also looking for a friend? 

Parenting Perspective 

For a child who struggles to connect easily with others, the ability to recognise peers who might be feeling the same way can be a game-changer. Many children can assume that everyone else already has their own friends, yet in every classroom, there are always other children who are shy, new, or simply waiting for someone to reach out to them first. Teaching your child how to notice these peers can help them to develop their own sense of empathy, awareness, and courage. It can help them to move from a state of waiting to be chosen, to a state of learning how to choose kindness for themselves. 

Begin with Observation, Not Assumption 

You can start by helping your child to see their classroom through a gentler and more compassionate lens. You might say, ‘Not everyone who is sitting alone necessarily wants to be alone. Some children are just waiting for someone friendly to notice them.’ You can encourage them to look around at playtime or during group activities and to observe quietly before they approach anyone. You could ask some gentle, guiding questions. 

• ‘Who do you see that looks like they are standing near others, but not talking much?’ 

• ‘Is there anyone who smiles when someone comes close to them, but does not say anything?’ 

These simple cues help to teach the art of emotional observation, the ability to read the body language and the energy of other people. 

Explain What Signs to Look For 

You can help your child to recognise the subtle signals that may indicate that someone is open to making a new friend. 

• Looking around during playtime but not joining in with a game. 

• Holding onto a toy or a ball but not actively using it. 

• Smiling or laughing quietly when they see other children playing. 

You can tell your child, ‘These small signs might mean that someone wants company, but just feels a little unsure of how to start.’ This understanding can transform your child’s perspective, helping them to see opportunities for kindness rather than obstacles to their own sense of belonging. 

Practise Gentle and Low-Pressure Approaches 

Once your child is able to spot someone who might be open to a new friendship, you can teach them some simple, low-pressure ways to reach out. 

• ‘Hi, do you want to join in with us?’ 

• ‘Can I come and sit with you?’ 

• ‘That is a great drawing. What is it about?’ 

It is helpful to role-play a few of these examples at home so that they begin to sound natural and kind. You can emphasise that their tone of voice matters more than achieving a state of perfection; a calm, friendly voice is what communicates sincerity. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the acts of noticing and including others are seen as forms of compassion that carry an immense spiritual value. The ability to see beyond ourselves, to recognise who might be in need of our kindness, is a reflection of rahmah (mercy) and ihsan (excellence in our conduct). 

The Reward of Noticing Those Who Are Overlooked 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Duha (93), Verses 9–10: 

‘ Regarding the orphan, do not let him be oppressed. Regarding anyone who is in need (for anything), do not let them be denied.‘ 

These verses teach us a timeless and beautiful principle: to protect, to uplift, and to respond to those who are in need of our care, not only in material ways, but in emotional ways too. When your child is able to notice a classmate who looks lonely and to reach out to them in a kind way, they are living this Quranic value in their own small world. 

The Prophetic Example of Seeing the Unseen 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 272, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to others.’ 

This hadith reminds us that true goodness lies in noticing the needs of others and in acting upon them. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known for his ability to recognise the people who felt unseen; he would greet them, listen to them, and lift their spirits. When your child is able to approach a quiet classmate with a kind word or a gentle smile, they are imitating this beautiful prophetic compassion. 

Helping your child to spot the classmates who may also be in need of a friend helps to nurture an emotional intelligence that is rooted in faith. They can learn to see beyond their own comfort, to notice the feelings of others, to respond with empathy, and to create for themselves small but significant moments of inclusion. 

As you guide your child in this, you can celebrate their every attempt: every wave, every smile, and every invitation they are able to offer. Each of these efforts helps to plant the seeds of their own courage and compassion. Over time, they will come to understand that the quiet act of reaching out to another person is one of the most beautiful forms of worship. 

Through both your wisdom and your warmth, your child can discover that the act of friendship begins not when we are chosen by others, but when we choose to truly see them. In that simple act of noticing, they are reflecting the mercy and the mindfulness that Islam cherishes, becoming a source of light for others, one small kindness at a time.