Parenting Perspective 

Train Them Before the Storm 

Expecting children to calmly resolve a fight in the heat of the moment without any prior guidance is unrealistic. The real work of conflict resolution happens outside the conflict. You should set aside peaceful times to practice these skills with your children. Discuss common scenarios and brainstorm peaceful solutions together. 

Some examples of what you can say are: 

• “If you both want the same toy, what could you say?” 

• “What does taking turns sound like?” 

Role-play these situations with them. Keep it light and fun, but consistent. You can also create a “solve it first” rule in your home. This rule dictates that before coming to you, the children must first try to find a solution on their own. If they cannot, you will then step in to coach, not to fix. You can say, “Show me what you both tried first.” This approach builds their problem-solving skills, even if their initial attempts are imperfect. 

Be the Coach, Not the Referee 

When a conflict does happen, you must resist the urge to act as a referee. Instead of asking, “Who started it?” try asking, “How can we fix it?” This shifts the focus from blame to resolution. Stay calm, sit nearby, and narrate neutrally if needed. You can say, “I see both of you want the same thing. What is a fair solution?” 

If they escalate, calmly pause the activity with authority. You can say, “We will take a break now, and when you are ready to try solving it together, I will help.” Over time, they will learn that peace brings rewards, and yelling leads to a pause in the activity. Your quiet presence steady, non-reactive, and firm becomes the environment in which better choices can grow. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 1: 

‘…So, seek piety from Allah (Almighty), and correct all matters (in the relationships) between yourselves; and obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), if you are true believers.’ 

This verse reminds us that true faith involves taking steps to repair and restore. It is not about avoiding conflict but about resolving it with sincerity. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6134, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree than fasting, prayer, and charity? It is putting things right between people.’ 

This teaches us that helping others learn how to reconcile, especially within the family, is a noble act, more beloved than many other outward acts of worship. 

When you train your children to solve arguments with patience and fairness, you are building not just life skills, but also faith-based character. They are learning that peace is an act of Iman, and they will carry that into every relationship they have.