How do I help them keep promises even when plans change? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child makes a promise, whether it is to play a game, to help a friend, or to meet them at breaktime, they usually mean it sincerely in that moment. However, when their plans change, or when something more exciting comes along, they may struggle to follow through on their original commitment. Teaching your child how to keep their promises, despite any shifting circumstances, is not about demanding perfection; it is about cultivating a sense of integrity, reliability, and emotional maturity. It can help them to learn that their word has a real weight, and that the trust of others, once it has been earned, should be protected with a sense of care. 

Start with What a Promise Truly Means 

It is helpful to begin by explaining that a promise is not just a plan; it is a form of trust. You could say, ‘When we promise to do something, it means that someone is counting on us. Keeping that promise is what makes them feel safe and valued in their relationship with us.’ You can make the idea more simple and relatable by asking them, ‘If your friend promised to save you a seat at lunchtime and then did not do it, how would that make you feel?’ This can help your child to connect the idea of keeping a promise to a feeling of empathy, rather than just to the following of a rule. 

Teach Them Flexibility Without Making Excuses 

Sometimes, our plans do genuinely have to change, and that is okay. The key is in how your child handles that change. You can teach them to communicate early and in a kind way. 

• ‘I cannot do it today, but can we play tomorrow instead?’ 

• ‘I said that I would help you, but something has come up. Can I do it for you a little later?’ 

This approach helps to turn a potential disappointment into a moment of mutual respect. You can explain that updating someone with honesty helps to keep their trust intact, even when our plans have to shift. 

Encourage Them to Think Before They Promise 

Children can often make promises in an impulsive way, without fully realising the effort that may be involved. You can encourage them to take a pause before they make an agreement: ‘It is always okay to say, “Let me check first.” That shows a real sense of responsibility.’ You can explain to them that a thoughtful promise is always stronger than a quick one. This helps to teach them the art of discernment, a quality that can nurture both their self-respect and their reliability. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the act of keeping our promises (wafāʾ bil-ʿahd) is considered one of the hallmarks of a true and sincere faith. It is not just a matter of social courtesy, but one of righteousness. A believer’s word is a reflection of their character and their sincerity before Allah Almighty. Teaching your child to honour their promises, and to handle any changes with a sense of honesty, helps to nurture the qualities of truthfulness, accountability, and trustworthiness, all of which are deeply loved in Islam. 

The Divine Command to Keep One’s Word 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 34: 

‘…And fulfil all your promises, as indeed, you will be questioned about all the promises that you have made (in this life).’ 

This verse reminds us that our promises are not casual matters; they are responsibilities for which we will be held accountable by Allah. When your child is able to keep their word, even in very small matters, they are practising a form of obedience to this divine command. 

The Prophetic Example of Trustworthiness 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 55, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The signs of a hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he promises, he breaks his promise; and when he is entrusted, he betrays the trust.’ 

This hadith shows us the great seriousness of promise-keeping in the life of a believer. For a child, this should not be a source of fear, but one of honour. You can say to them gently, ‘When we are able to keep our word, we are showing that we are the kind of people that others can trust, just like the Prophet ﷺ always was.’ 

Helping your child to keep their promises, even when their plans may change, is a way of teaching them resilience, not rigidity. They can learn that being trustworthy does not mean being perfect; it means communicating clearly, respecting the feelings of others, and following through in whatever way is possible. 

Each time they are able to choose a sense of integrity over one of simple convenience, their own self-worth will deepen. They can begin to see that keeping their promises is not about a sense of duty alone; it is about love, respect, and their faith in action. 

Through your gentle example and your steady guidance, your child can grow into a person whose word carries a quiet but profound strength. In a world where promises are often made lightly, that sense of reliability will become a mark of their distinction, a reflection of their character, and a living echo of the noble example of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.