How do I help them grieve a friendship without souring toward new ones? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a friendship ends, whether it is through a process of drifting apart, through an act of betrayal, or through a simple change in circumstances, children can often experience emotions that are very similar to a sense of loss. They may be left feeling confused, angry, or with a hollow sense of sadness that can be hard for them to explain. However, because it is not a visible loss, their feelings can sometimes be dismissed by others with a well-meaning phrase like, ‘Do not worry, you will make some new friends soon.’ Helping your child to grieve for what they have lost, without any accompanying bitterness, can allow their heart to heal in an open way, not in a closed one. 

Understanding Friendship Grief as a Form of Real Grief 

It is important to begin by naming what is happening for your child. You could say, ‘You are grieving for your friendship, and it is okay for you to feel that way. It just shows how much that friendship mattered to you.’ This can give them the permission they need to be able to feel their emotions without a sense of shame. You can also explain to them that the act of grieving does not mean that they are stuck in the past; it means that they are honouring something that was good and that they are learning how to let it go in a gentle way. 

Allowing for Sadness Without Encouraging Self-Blame 

You can encourage your child to talk, to write, or to draw about the things that they are missing, such as the inside jokes, the sense of comfort, or the shared routine. Expressing the loss can help to prevent any feelings of resentment from festering inside them. If they begin to blame themselves for what has happened, you can gently correct their line of thought: ‘Sometimes, our friendships have to end just because people change, not because anyone has done anything wrong.’ It is important to remind them that it is safe for them to feel their sadness, and to avoid rushing in to try to cheer them up by saying, ‘You will find someone else soon.’ 

Teaching a Sense of Hope Without Applying Pressure 

When your child seems ready, you can begin to talk to them about new friendships as being like new chapters in their life, not as a replacement for what has gone before. You could say, ‘You do not have to rush into finding a new friend. Healing first is what will make the space for a better connection to come later on.’ You can help them to look forward to the future with a sense of curiosity rather than with a sense of fear. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises the cycle of attachment and of loss as a natural and an inevitable part of the human experience. Our friendships, just like the seasons of the year, will come and they will go, all under the perfect wisdom of Allah Almighty. Each one of them carries with it a lesson for our souls. Teaching your child to grieve with a sense of sabr (patience) and of husn al-dhann (of thinking well of Allah) can help them to accept these endings as signs of the divine care, not of abandonment. 

The Quranic Teaching on Trusting in the Process of Change 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 216: 

‘…And perhaps that which you are repelled by (may in fact) be for your betterment; and perhaps that thing which you love to undertake, and that might be bad for you; and (the reality is that) Allah (Almighty) is fully aware of everything that you do not know.’ 

This verse can remind your child that Allah Almighty is able to see a purpose in the things that may only cause us pain. A lost friendship may in fact be a means of protecting them from some unseen harm, or it may be a way of making space in their life for a new form of growth. 

The Prophetic Example of Gentle Letting Go 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2586, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The example of the believers in their affection, mercy, and compassion for each other is that of one body; when any limb aches, the whole body responds with wakefulness and fever.’ 

This hadith teaches us that feeling a sense of pain after we have lost a connection with someone is a natural thing; it is a reflection of our compassion, not of our weakness. When your child is able to grieve in a sincere way, while still wishing the other person well, they are embodying this prophetic sense of empathy. 

Helping your child to grieve for a lost friendship without any sense of sourness is a way of turning their pain into a form of maturity. They can learn from this experience that an ending does not have to erase what was good, and that their sadness does not have to close the door to any future joy. 

Your own empathy can help them to see that holding both a sense of love and a sense of loss in the same heart is not a contradiction; it is a sign of their emotional growth. Over time, they will be able to realise that every friendship, even one that has now ended, was a blessing that helped to shape their own capacity for kindness. 

When they are able to say, ‘I really miss them, but I am so grateful for the time that we had,’ they will be living one of Islam’s most beautiful and profound truths: that a heart that is guided by faith is able to break and still remain soft, trusting in the One who can heal it to bring a new sense of goodness in His own perfect time.