How do I help them choose which sibling behaviours are worth following? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is natural to feel concerned when a child copies their siblings indiscriminately, imitating both the good and the questionable behaviours. This is not merely a discipline issue; it is a crucial opportunity to nurture your child’s discernment and independent moral thinking. Your role is to guide them, without criticising one child in front of another, to develop the wisdom to see which actions are worth following. 

Teaching Discernment Step by Step 

Children do not automatically know the difference between healthy and harmful behaviours. They require gentle, consistent guidance to build this understanding. 

• Highlight the Positive: When one sibling demonstrates a virtue like kindness, patience, or responsibility, praise it in the moment. You might say, ‘Did you see how your sister shared her snack without being asked? That is the kind of action that pleases Allah.’ 

• Name the Negative Calmly: If your child copies an undesirable behaviour, avoid shaming them. Instead, state a clear family principle: ‘In our family, we do not use that tone of voice because it can hurt someone’s feelings.’ 

• Give Concrete Reasons: Children respond better to logic than to commands. Explain the ‘why’ behind your guidance. For example: ‘It is a wonderful idea to copy your brother’s habit of reading, because that makes your mind stronger. But it is not a good idea to copy shouting, because that makes people’s hearts sad.’ 

The Role of the Older Sibling 

Older children often underestimate their influence. You can help them recognise their powerful position without placing blame on them. Frame their role as one of honoured responsibility. Using phrases like, ‘Your little brother looks up to you so much. When you do something good, he will want to do it too. You can be the reason he learns beautiful habits,’ shifts their perspective from being policed to taking pride in their leadership. 

Encouraging Independent Choices 

As children mature, create small opportunities for them to exercise their own judgement. You can ask simple, reflective questions like, ‘Your brother chose to complain, and your sister chose to be patient. Which choice do you think was better?’ This kind of gentle inquiry builds their inner moral compass. You are teaching them not just to copy blindly, but to pause, evaluate, and choose the better path. 

In this way, you are not only managing sibling dynamics in the present but are also equipping your child with a lifelong skill: the ability to recognise and choose what is right, even when those around them are doing otherwise. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on choosing our companions and influences wisely, as the people we follow directly shape our character. Training children to discern which behaviours to copy within their own family is the first step in learning how to choose good company in the wider world. 

Following a poor example will inevitably lead to regret on a day when it is too late to change. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 28: 

‘Woe be unto me, how I wish that I had not taken so-and-so as a friend.’ 

This verse powerfully illustrates the sorrow of having followed the wrong role model. Teaching this concept to children helps them understand that their choices in whom to imitate have profound and lasting consequences. 

The character and faith of a person are a reflection of their closest companions. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.’ 

This hadith teaches a fundamental principle of life: we become like those we follow. When guiding our children, we must help them learn to admire and copy behaviours that bring them closer to Allah. By nurturing discernment gently and consistently, you help them understand that not all actions are equal. With time, they will grow into individuals who can recognise goodness, follow it with confidence, and inspire their siblings in turn.