How Do I Help Siblings Show Kindness During Games Where Tempers Flare? 

Parenting Perspective 

Games played between siblings can be a source of immense joy and bonding, but they can also turn sour in an instant when the spirit of competition takes over. It is common for tempers to flare, voices to rise, and what began as a moment of fun to end in arguments and tears. Helping your children to practise kindness during games is not about removing their competitive drive, but about guiding them to balance their excitement with fairness, respect, and empathy for one another. 

Establish Ground Rules Before the Game Begins 

Agree on the boundaries together before the first move is made. A simple principle like, ‘We are playing this game to have fun together, not to hurt anyone’s feelings. If anyone starts to feel upset, we will all agree to pause for a moment,’ can make a significant difference. Having these clear rules in place gives you a shared standard to refer back to if tensions rise. 

Coach Them in Respectful ‘Game Talk’ 

Actively coach your children to replace harsh or boastful words with kind and encouraging alternatives. Instead of allowing phrases like, ‘You are so bad at this!’, you can encourage them to say, ‘That was a good try, you will get it next time.’ Providing them with this language of good sportsmanship helps them to express their competitiveness without being cruel. 

Introduce a ‘Cool-Down Pause’ 

Teach your children a simple, non-verbal signal such as raising a hand or saying the word “pause” that anyone can use when they feel their temper starting to flare. When the signal is used, everyone must stop, take a slow breath, and then resume the game once composure is regained. This simple practice helps children learn the invaluable skill of emotional regulation in the heat of the moment. 

Foster a Spirit of Mutual Encouragement 

Remind your children to notice and acknowledge the good moves made by their siblings during the game. Encouraging them to use phrases like, ‘Nice try!’ or ‘That was a really good turn!’ helps to build a cooperative and supportive atmosphere, even in the midst of competition. 

Guide Them Through Reconciliation 

When teasing, frustration, or anger does surface, use it as a teaching moment. Step in calmly and model how to repair the situation. You might say, ‘That comment sounded hurtful. Let us try saying something like, “I was feeling frustrated that I was losing, but you played that move really well.”’ This shows them that disagreements can and should be repaired with kindness and honesty. 

By intentionally weaving empathy and respect into their playtime, you teach your children that the true purpose of a game is not just to win, but to build stronger and happier bonds with each other. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to conduct ourselves with fairness, patience, and respect in all circumstances, and this includes our moments of leisure and play. Games can therefore be seen as a training ground where children can safely practise these essential Islamic values, turning ordinary moments of fun into a form of spiritual development. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘ Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse serves as a powerful warning against the kind of mocking or ridicule that can often slip out during a heated game. It is a reminder for children that laughter and fun should never come at the cost of another person’s dignity. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1734, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is not one who taunts, curses, indulges in obscenity, or abuses.’ 

This hadith teaches that a true believer is someone who guards their tongue, even in moments of tension or frustration. For children, this is a clear guide to show kindness in their speech, even when they are on the losing side of a game. 

When siblings learn to carry the principles of kindness into their playtime, they are practising the prophetic way of controlling their anger, showing fairness, and respecting the feelings of others. These lessons learned on the game board extend far beyond it, shaping them into people who can handle all of life’s competitions with dignity, compassion, and ihsan.