How do I help my children talk about anger without blaming each other? 

Parenting Perspective 

Teach Them to Use ‘I Feel’ Statements 

Many siblings feel anger towards each other, but instead of saying how they feel, they often resort to pointing fingers and blame. This only fuels more shouting and allows hurt feelings to grow. Teaching children to talk about their anger begins with giving them the right words to use. Show them how to speak about their feelings instead of attacking the other person. When everyone is calm, practise simple ‘I feel’ phrases together, such as, ‘I feel angry when you take my toy without asking,’ instead of, ‘You always ruin everything.’ Younger children learn well through short role-plays with toys or puppets. 

Guide Them Through Conflicts 

When a fight happens, guide each child to pause and take a breath first. Sit with them and ask each one to say what made them angry, using kind words. Praise any effort they make to speak honestly without blaming. If their words come out sharp, gently help them to rephrase. For example, ‘Can you tell your brother how you felt, not what you think he did wrong?’ This small shift helps children realise that anger is a feeling to be shared, not a weapon to be used to hurt back. Over time, your patient reminders teach them that talking about anger calmly makes it less scary and helps them solve problems before they grow bigger. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages us to handle anger with care and honesty, not with blame and hurtful words. Allah Almighty praises those who learn to control their anger and to forgive. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.‘

When you teach your children to speak about their anger without blaming, you are helping them grow closer to this beautiful quality. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others; the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is angry. ‘

Strength comes from understanding what we feel and choosing calm words instead of hurtful ones. Remind your children that Allah Almighty knows every feeling in their hearts, even the anger they do not express. You can guide them to make a short Dua when they feel angry, such as, ‘Ya Allah, help me speak without blame.’ With gentle practice and trust in Allah Almighty’s mercy, your children will learn that even big feelings like anger can be handled with kindness and truth, protecting their bond as siblings and pleasing their Creator.