How do I help my child when they say, You do not understand me? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Plea 

It is more of a request for emotional protection than an accusation when a child says, You do not understand me. Meet them with polite inquiry rather than a defensive response or an attempt to explain yourself. It is frequently an indication that the child is yearning for connection, even if the words seem harsh. 

How to Respond 

Steer clear of logical rebuttals or hasty corrections. Before they can hear you, children must feel heard. Say something like, You seem lonely right now, or It sounds like you felt left out, in response to their feelings. Instead of talking over them, this shows that you are attempting to walk with them. 

The Ultimate Goal 

Tell them straight out if you do not understand yet, but reassure them that you are paying attention and that you genuinely care. The objective is to establish the kind of trust that makes them think you are willing to try, not to demonstrate understanding.

 Spiritual Insight 

Listening with sincerity is a prophetic trait. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 128: 

‘… he is extremely desirous (for the best) for you and remains most compassionate and most merciful for the believe‘

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4807, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah Almighty is gentle, likes gentleness, and gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness.‘

It is our responsibility to remain receptive and loving until a child feels safe again, not to correct them when they feel misunderstood.