How do I help my child stop replaying insults at night? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child has been insulted, the real damage often begins long after the words have been spoken. As the house grows quiet and the lights are dimmed, their mind may replay every detail of the incident. The night can become a loop of humiliation, robbing them of their rest. As a parent, it is natural to wish you could simply erase those words from their memory. However, emotional wounds are healed not by erasure, but by reframing. Your role is to help your child shift from reliving their pain to reclaiming their peace through calm rituals, compassionate listening, and faith-centred comfort. 

Begin with Emotional Validation 

At bedtime, when your child begins to replay the insults, you must avoid rushing in with reassurances like, ‘Just ignore them,’ or, ‘You are not stupid.’ Although well-meaning, such replies skip over the hurt. You should start with empathy: 

• ‘That must have felt very painful to hear.’ 

• ‘Those words were not true, but I understand why they still sting.’ 

Acknowledging the emotion before correcting the thought allows the mind to release its tension. Only once the feelings have been named can the heart begin to absorb a new perspective. 

Create a Space for Winding Down 

Children who replay cruelty at night often carry unspoken emotions from their day. It can be helpful to design a calm, predictable ‘unloading ritual’ before bed, such as ten minutes of quiet talk, journaling, or drawing. You might ask, ‘What part of today is still sitting in your head?’ Then, help them to externalise it by saying, ‘Let us leave that in the notebook for tonight.’ When worries are named and contained, they lose their power to circle endlessly. 

Introduce Grounding and Self-Soothing Tools 

Teach your child how to anchor their body when their mind begins to race. This could involve slow breathing or reciting a comforting dhikr such as, ‘Hasbunallahu wa ni’mal wakeel’ (Allah is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs). You can guide them by saying, ‘When those words come back into your mind, try to imagine them as small clouds passing by, not as truths.’ Visualisation techniques can help the brain to detach from an emotional replay. Over time, their body will learn to associate bedtime with safety rather than shame. 

Replace the Inner Voice of the Bully 

Gently explain to your child that when they replay insults, they are allowing the person who mocked them to live in their head without paying rent. Ask them, ‘What would you like your mind to sound like instead?’ 

Help them to craft a personal truth statement, such as, ‘I am a kind person. I always try my best, and I do not deserve to hear cruel words.’ Repeat this together at bedtime. Over time, these positive affirmations can overwrite the echo of the insult. 

Protect the Night-Time Environment 

Digital reminders on phones or other devices can easily reignite distress. It is a good practice to keep devices outside the bedroom and to ensure the environment is soft and restful. You can recite short duas or verses from the Quran together, and then end with, ‘These words of Allah are stronger than any insult.’ The night should feel like a sanctuary, not an extension of the school day. 

You cannot control what other people say, but you can teach your child how to guard their own heart at night, not through resistance, but through peace. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises the power of words to either uplift or wound, and healing from them is a part of our spiritual growth. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ faced relentless mockery, yet he always found peace in his night prayers, seeking refuge in Allah Almighty from the harm of people’s tongues. By guiding your child toward a faith-filled calm, you are teaching them that divine remembrance is the true antidote to human insults. 

Finding Refuge from Hurtful Speech in the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mu’minoon (23), Verse 96: 

‘Repel with all that is goodness, the maliciousness (they spread); We (Allah Almighty) are fully aware of what they attribute (maliciously about Us).’ 

This verse teaches that responding to cruelty with goodness, even if only inwardly, is an act that purifies the soul. It reminds your child that the best answer to hurtful words is not an argument, but serenity and a firm trust in Allah’s awareness of every injustice. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Nightly Practice of Surrender 

Islam teaches that peace at night begins with surrender, letting go of the day’s pain and placing it in the care of Allah. The Prophet’s ﷺ own practice is a beautiful model for this. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 816, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, when lying down to sleep, would place his right hand under his cheek and say: 

‘O Allah, in Your name I live and in Your name I die.’ 

When your child repeats this duʿa, they are learning that the heart’s rest does not depend on the approval of other people, but on divine protection. 

When your child replays insults at night, the temptation is to fight the thoughts, but the wiser path is to soften them. Through your gentle tone, nightly rituals, and a faith-rooted calm, you can teach them to hand their pain over to the One who never sleeps. 

Over time, they will come to realise that the words of others fade, but the remembrance of Allah can soothe forever. The same nights that once echoed with hurt can become nights of sakīnah: of quiet strength, soft hearts, and a faith that is deeper than any wound.