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How do I help my child repair a relationship after a tantrum has hurt someone?

Parenting Perspective

When a tantrum leads to someone being hurt, either by hurtful words or physical actions, it is essential to help the child recognise their feelings and how those feelings affect others. The focus here is not on punishing the child, but rather on helping them understand the importance of making amends and taking responsibility. After the child has settled down, assist them in thinking about the situation and the individuals who were impacted. Concentrate on the actions, rather than the child’s personality. Pose thoughtful enquiries such as, ‘What occurred right before you became upset?’ or ‘What do you believe the other person experienced in that moment?’ Encourage them to consider how they can make things right, whether that involves a heartfelt apology, a thoughtful action, or a simple act of kindness. Children develop empathy early on by observing and repeating behaviours, rather than through formal instruction. Your composed demeanour and straightforward advice lay the groundwork for upcoming communications. It is important to refrain from using shame or labels; rather, establish clear boundaries and create a secure environment for development.

Spiritual Insight

Islam promotes the restoration of relationships through humility, compassion, and seeking forgiveness. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: ‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ This verse promotes the idea of reconciliation and connects the process of healing with the mercy of Allah Almighty. Children, despite their size, are open to spiritual experiences. With gentle guidance, they can start to understand the importance of seeking forgiveness and rebuilding kindness. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2499 that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘Every son of Adam sins, and the best of the sinners are the repentant.’ By viewing the post-tantrum repair as a chance to reflect and pursue goodness once more, you are helping your child grasp the concepts of repentance, empathy, and responsibility. Even straightforward expressions such as ‘Should we seek Allah Almighty’s assistance to improve next time?’ contribute to fostering emotional development aligned with spiritual principles.

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