How do I help my child pause and name feelings before reacting? 

Parenting Perspective 

Teach the ‘Pause’ 

Teaching a child to pause and name their feelings instead of reacting immediately is one of the most valuable skills you can give them. Many children act first and think later because they experience a burst of emotion that feels too big to handle. You can start by helping your child understand that while all feelings are allowed, some actions can hurt others. Use simple language: ‘When you feel angry or sad, it helps to pause and say what you feel before you act.’ 

Practice and Model the Behaviour 

Practise this idea when everyone is calm. Use stories, toys, or feelings charts to show what it looks like. For example, ‘The bear feels angry, so he stops, takes a deep breath, and says, “I feel angry.”’ It is also powerful to model this yourself. When you feel frustrated, say out loud, ‘I feel upset right now. I need to pause and breathe.’ This shows your child that naming feelings does not make you weak; it helps you to stay calm and choose better actions. Praise your child when they try, even if they sometimes forget. You can create a small ‘pause plan’ together, such as taking three deep breaths, counting to ten, or squeezing a pillow before they speak or act. Over time, these small habits will build your child’s inner strength and help them feel proud that they can handle big feelings in a kind and safe way. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam beautifully reminds us that controlling our actions when emotions are intense is a sign of true strength. Allah Almighty praises those who hold back their anger and speak wisely. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent. ‘

By teaching your child to pause and name what they feel, you are helping them to practise this noble restraint that Allah Almighty loves. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others; the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is angr‘

You can remind your child that strength is not in shouting or hitting, but in stopping to think and speak kindly. Encourage them to make a small Dua when they feel their emotions growing too big: ‘Ya Allah, help me pause and say what is in my heart.’ This gentle habit connects their self-control to their faith, teaching them that every pause and kind word is seen and rewarded by Allah Almighty. With your patient example and warm encouragement, your child will grow in confidence, knowing they can face their feelings without fear.