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How do I help my child learn from a tantrum without over-talking?

Parenting Perspective

Children learn most effectively when they feel calm, connected, and emotionally secure. Excessive talking after a tantrum can create confusion or overwhelm for young children, particularly if the tone changes from supportive to critical. Short and straightforward sentences that describe the situation and suggest alternative actions can be more effective than lengthy explanations. Parents might consider asking straightforward reflective questions like, ‘What can we do differently next time instead of raising our voices?’ This method encourages reflection without assigning fault. The objective is not to dismiss every emotion, but to assist children in identifying what they feel and understanding a more appropriate reaction. Body language, tone, and timing are very important because children can easily feel like they are being lectured or harshly corrected. Frequent, brief discussions over time create a better understanding than lengthy explanations following each incident.

Spiritual Insight

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Tahaa (20), Verse 44: ‘But speak to him in a polite manner, so that he may realise, or be in awe (of what you are relating to him).’ This guidance was provided even when addressing Pharaoh, a ruler known for his harshness. It shows that change and learning happen more easily when we communicate in a calm and respectful manner. Parents should provide guidance in a manner that respects the child’s dignity and promotes learning through kindness.

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6013, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘He who is not merciful to others, will not be treated mercifully’ This Hadith serves as a reminder that our parenting style should reflect the principles of compassion and self-control. When parents keep conversations short, straightforward, and gentle after a tantrum, they help their children learn to manage their emotions without making them feel belittled or embarrassed. It is a careful mix of fairness and compassion, guided by sound judgement.

 

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