How do I help my child keep confidence if they are between friend groups for a while? 

Parenting Perspective 

Being ‘between groups’ can make a child feel invisible, no longer a part of their old circle, but not yet belonging to a new one. This middle ground can feel lonely and confusing for them, especially when the other children around them seem to have their social lives all figured out. Helping your child to keep their confidence during this stage of their life means teaching them that a sense of belonging is not about the number of their friends, but about their own authenticity and their patience. 

Helping Them to See the In-Between as a Season, Not a Failure 

It is helpful to begin by saying, ‘It is okay not to have a group of your own right now. Everyone has seasons like this in their lives.’ You can explain to them that our friendships can often ebb and flow, just like the school terms or our hobbies do. This period of their life is not an ending, but a pause, a time for a deeper sense of self-discovery. You could also add, ‘Being in between groups does not mean that you are behind everyone else; it just means that you are in a process of growing.’ This can help your child to stop defining themselves by who they are sitting with, and to instead begin to focus on who they are in the process of becoming. 

Strengthening Their Own Sense of Self-Connection First 

You can encourage your child to fill this social gap with some activities that can help to affirm their own sense of worth. You could suggest that they join a new club, that they offer to help one of their teachers, or that they start a new personal project at home. You can explain to them that their confidence will grow not from their efforts to fit in, but from their ability to use their time in a meaningful way. This can teach them that our identity is what can attract a true sense of connection, not the other way around. 

Building Their Quiet Social Skills Without Applying Pressure 

You can encourage your child to practise some small social steps, such as smiling, greeting their classmates, joining in with a group work activity, or sitting near some of their kindest peers. These small and simple acts can help to signal a sense of openness, without the added pressure of having to form an instant friendship. If they begin to compare themselves to other people, you can gently redirect them: ‘Everyone can look like they belong from the outside, but most people will feel unsure of themselves sometimes.’ This helps to normalise their struggle and can remind them that their confidence is an internal rhythm, not a performance for others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us as believers that our sense of belonging and of companionship are great blessings, but that a period of solitude can also be a sacred time. When your child feels that they are in between two friendship groups, they are in a space where their sense of reflection, of self-awareness, and of a deep reliance on Allah Almighty can all be deepened. Their true worth is not measured by how many people are standing beside them, but by the sincerity of their own heart. 

The Quranic Teaching on Patience and Finding Self-Worth 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Inshirah (94), Verses 5–6: 

‘Thus with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty). Indeed, with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty).’ 

This verse can offer a great sense of comfort for every lonely heart. The experience of being between different social groups may feel like a hardship in the moment, but a sense of ease will always follow it. Allah Almighty promises us that every uncomfortable stage of our lives carries with it a deep sense of purpose, of preparing our hearts for new beginnings and for better companionship in the future. 

The Prophetic Example of Finding Strength in Solitude 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 7088, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There will come a time when the best wealth of a man will be sheep which he follows to the tops of mountains and the places of rainfall, fleeing with his religion from tribulations.’ 

While this hadith is referring to a time of great trial, it also reminds us that a period of solitude can be a means of purifying and of strengthening our faith. When your child is able to spend some time between their friendships, they are being given a precious opportunity to rediscover what it is that can make them feel peaceful, kind, and centred in themselves. 

Helping your child to keep their confidence while they are between their different friendship groups can teach them a sense of emotional independence, the ability to be able to stand up tall, even when their social circle may be small. They can learn from this that being alone for a little while does not have to mean that they are unloved; it can mean that they are becoming ready for a deeper and a truer form of connection. 

Your own calm reassurance can help them to trust this stage of their life as a part of their natural growth, not as a form of rejection. Over time, they will come to realise that waiting for the right kinds of people to enter their lives is far better than having to chase after a sense of belonging that may cost them their own sense of peace. 

When they are finally able to say, ‘I am okay with being on my own for now. I know that my time will come,’ they will be living out one of Islam’s most grounding and profound truths: that our true dignity rests not in being a part of the crowd, but in our own sense of contentment, and that every heart that is held by Allah is a heart that is never truly alone.