How do I help my child face people they misled without freezing?

Parenting Perspective

When a child has misled others, perhaps by exaggerating a story or giving false information, the hardest part for them is often facing those people again. They may feel a mixture of guilt, shame, and deep anxiety, and can find themselves freezing in the moment, unable to speak. Your role as a parent is to equip them with the courage, the right words, and the emotional safety they need to face the situation respectfully and begin to rebuild trust.

Understand Why Children Freeze

A child may freeze when they need to apologise for a number of reasons.

· Fear of rejection: They are worried that the other person will not forgive them.

· Embarrassment: They do not know how to explain themselves.

· Overwhelm: They may feel that their emotions are too big to handle in the moment.

· Lack of a script: They may simply not know what to say.

Step 1: Acknowledge and Normalise Their Feelings

You can start by normalising their nervousness: ‘It is natural to feel nervous when you have to face someone after you have made a mistake. What matters most is that you show you are honest and that you care, not that your words are perfect.’

Step 2: Give Them a Clear and Simple Script

A child often freezes because they do not have the right words. You can offer them some short, simple sentences to use.

· ‘I am sorry that I misled you. I should not have said that.’

· ‘I want to be honest with you now. This is what really happened…’

· ‘I did not mean to upset you, but I understand why you might be hurt.’

Step 3: Practise Through Role-Play

You can rehearse the situation at home before they have to face the other person.

Parent (as the friend/teacher): ‘Why did you say that when it was not true?’

Child: ‘I made a mistake. I should not have said it, and I am very sorry.’

Parent: ‘Thank you for being honest with me now. I appreciate that.’

Step 4: Pair Their Words with a Positive Action

Teach your child that an apology is always stronger when it is paired with a positive action.

· If they misled a classmate, they could help to share the correct information or fix the confusion.

· If they promised something they could not do, they could offer an alternative to make up for it.

Step 5: Stay by Their Side for Support

If your child is feeling very anxious, you can offer to stand nearby during the apology. Your quiet presence can provide them with a sense of security. As their confidence grows, you can encourage them to take more independence in facing these situations.

Step 6: Praise Their Courage, Not Perfection

Even if their words come out awkwardly, be sure to praise their effort: ‘I know you felt nervous, but you still spoke the truth. That was very brave.’ This helps them to associate honesty with strength, not with humiliation.

Step 7: Reflect on the Experience Afterwards

Once the moment is over, you can ask some gentle questions: ‘How did it feel to finally say the truth?’, ‘What helped you to push through your nerves?’, and, ‘What can you remember from this for next time?’

Spiritual Insight

Supporting your child to face the people they have misled is about turning their shame into courage. By giving them scripts, practising together, and linking their honesty to the teachings of the Quran and the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, you can teach them that facing the truth is not a weakness, but a sign of great strength.

Facing the Truth Is a Mark of Belief

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 119:

‘O you who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) and (always) be in the company of the truthful (people).’

This verse reminds us that truth is not just about avoiding lies, but also about having the courage to stand with honesty, even when it is difficult. Helping your child to face the people they have misled is a way of training them to live among the truthful ones whom Allah praises.

Courage in Honesty Brings a Great Reward

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1993, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘Whoever gives up lying, even when he is joking, a house will be built for him in the middle of Paradise. And whoever makes his character good, a house will be built for him in the highest part of Paradise.’

This hadith shows the immense reward that comes from leaving dishonesty behind and choosing to have a good character. When your child admits the truth, even when they are feeling nervous, they are learning to build honesty into their character and are earning the pleasure of Allah. Over time, they will learn that courage in the face of the truth is what earns them respect from people and a great reward from their Lord.