How Do I Help My Child Build Resilience? 

Parenting Perspective 

Resilience is the crucial ability to adapt positively and bounce back from challenges, setbacks, and tough times. It is not an innate trait but a learned set of skills developed through supportive relationships and experience. Parents should avoid shielding children from all difficulties, instead helping them navigate manageable challenges. 

Foster Supportive Relationships 

The foundation of a child’s resilience is a strong, stable, and supportive relationship with their primary caregivers. When a child feels loved, safe, and secure, they gain the confidence necessary to explore the world and recover from setbacks. 

• Emotional Availability: Provide warm emotional support and actively spend time with your children. 

• Strong Connections: Build a network of connection with extended family and community members, giving the child a sense of belonging and value. 

Encourage Problem Solving 

Instead of ‘fixing’ every issue for a child, parents should guide them to find their own solutions. This builds self-efficacy, confidence, and the belief that they are competent enough to face difficult challenges. 

• Guide, Do Not Take Over: When a challenge arises, ask, “How can I support you as you look at this problem in a different way?” rather than saying, “I will help you with this.” 

• Practice Persistence: Encourage your child to give a task another attempt after a small setback. Praise the effort and the attempt, not just the result. 

Nurture a Positive Outlook 

Help your child develop helpful thinking habits and maintain a hopeful perspective. This involves teaching them to reframe disappointments and acknowledge their own strengths. 

• Positive Self-View: Remind your child of past hardships they successfully overcame. This helps them understand that those past challenges built the strength to handle future ones. 

• Acknowledge Emotions: Help your child name and process their feelings without dismissing them (e.g., “I see you are really frustrated that did not work, but it is acceptable to feel this way”). 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, resilience is intrinsically linked to patience (sabr) and trust in Allah (tawakkul). The trials we face are a means of purification and growth. Therefore, teaching a child resilience is essentially teaching them to endure difficulty with spiritual perspective and a hopeful, firm belief in divine wisdom. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 155: 

‘And indeed, very soon We (Allah Almighty) will test you with something: with fear; and hunger; and impoverishment of wealth and life and fruits of life; and give good news to those who are resilient.’ 

Enduring Trials with Patience 

This verse confirms that trials are an inevitable part of life. By guiding children to work through small setbacks, parents are preparing them for the greater challenges of adulthood, teaching them to look at difficulties through a long-term perspective. The practice of patience during a difficult task, such as problem solving or persistence, becomes an act of worship. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2999, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all his affairs are good, and this applies to no one except the believer. If prosperity comes to him, he thanks Allah, and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he perseveres, and that is good for him.’ 

Cultivating an Optimistic Outlook 

This Hadith elevates the ability to maintain a positive and balanced attitude—the core of resilience—to a measure of faith. By modelling grit and optimism in the face of family challenges, parents teach their children to adapt. 

• Active Coping: Teach children to focus on what they can control and to take steps towards a goal rather than giving in to helplessness. 

• Gratitude: Encourage them to recognise and acknowledge when things are going well (thanking Allah Almighty) rather than focusing solely on the difficulties. 

This ensures that resilience is built not just on mental fortitude, but on a spiritual foundation of hope and gratitude towards Allah Almighty.