How Do I Help a Child Name the Difference Between Silly and Scary? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often confuse the feeling of being silly with the feeling of being scared because both can make the body feel ‘buzzy’ with a faster heartbeat, quick breathing, loud voices, and an element of surprise. When the physical sensations of laughter and fear overlap, a child might continue playing even when they feel frightened, or they may suddenly burst into tears after a moment of fun. Helping them to name this difference builds their emotional safety, empathy, and trust in their own instincts. 

Start by Exploring Body Clues 

Explain to your child that their body sends clues to them before their brain decides how it feels. Ask gently, ‘When you are being silly, what happens inside your body? And when something feels a bit scary, what happens instead?’ Most children will be able to identify differences, such as: 

• Silly: ‘My tummy tickles, I giggle, and my face feels warm.’ 

• Scary: ‘My tummy hurts, my throat feels tight, and I want to hide.’ 

You can draw two simple stick figures, one labelled ‘silly’ and the other ‘scary’, and let your child colour in the parts of the body where they feel each sensation. Turning these feelings into pictures helps to make the distinction more concrete for them. 

Practise Using Stories or Shows 

While watching a cartoon or reading a bedtime story together, pause and ask, ‘Do you think this part is silly-funny or scary-funny?’ Let them explain their reasoning. This is an excellent way to train their emotional literacy without involving their own anxiety. Gradually, you can begin to transfer this language to real-life situations: ‘When your brother was chasing you, was that feeling silly, or was it starting to feel scary?’ 

Create a Shared Language for Play 

Before you begin any rough or surprising play, agree on a simple phrase the child can use to mark their boundaries. This could be something like, ‘Still silly!’ or ‘Too scary now!’ It is important to practise this in a light-hearted way: 

Parent: ‘I am pretending to be a monster! You have to tell me when it gets too scary.’ 

Child: ‘Too scary now!’ 

Parent: (Immediately stops and softens) ‘Good call. You spotted your feeling and told me.’ 

When children see that adults will stop instantly, they learn that listening to their fear earns them respect, not ridicule. 

Teach the ‘Three Checks’ Rule 

Give your child three simple things to check for in the middle of a game to help them notice the micro-shifts between fun and fear: 

• Face: ‘Are we all still smiling?’ 

• Voice: ‘Is the laughter sounding happy or a bit nervous?’ 

• Body: ‘Do I want to move closer to this game or further away?’ 

They can use these checks quietly to decide for themselves whether to continue or ask for a pause. 

Model Your Own Feelings 

When you startle slightly or laugh in a nervous way, name the feeling out loud: ‘That surprised me; it was a little bit scary, not funny!’ Children copy the way that adults separate these distinct feelings. Modelling this behaviour normalises emotional honesty and teaches them that fear is not a failure; it is simply feedback from our bodies. 

Reflect Afterwards and Praise Awareness 

When the playtime has ended, take a moment to talk about it briefly: ‘You said “too scary” at exactly the right time. That was a great way to keep yourself safe and make the game better for everyone.’ Make sure to praise their awareness over their bravery. A child who knows when to stop is emotionally intelligent, not timid. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours emotional awareness as a vital part of wisdom (hikmah). Teaching a child to distinguish between silly and scary helps to nurture taqwa, the inner sensitivity that senses when something is crossing a limit. This balance between joy and self-respect is a beautiful form of spiritual strength. 

Knowing Your Limits Is a Sign of Maturity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity...’ 

This verse reminds us that every person’s individual limits are divinely acknowledged. When a child learns to say, ‘This is too scary for me,’ they are living in accordance with this truth by honouring the personal boundary that Allah Almighty designed within them. Teaching them to listen to that limit is a way of teaching them both self-respect and faith in Allah’s mercy. 

The Prophet’s Mercy in Play and Feelings 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 355, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and honour our elders.’ 

This teaches us that true mercy includes respecting a child’s emotional threshold. When you stop the game at their ‘too scary’, you are practising a form of Prophetic gentleness. The child learns that safety is a part of love and that their feelings matter in an Islamic home. 

You can invite a small du’a together after playing: ‘O Allah, please keep our hearts both happy and safe. Help us to know when to stop and when to smile.’ Over time, your child will learn that listening to their body is not a weakness, but a form of wisdom. They will grow to trust that laughter and safety can live side by side, and that protecting a sense of peace during play is one of the most beautiful ways to show gratitude to Allah Almighty.