How do I handle ‘You never listen to me’ during a sibling dispute? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child exclaims, ‘You never listen to me!’ during a sibling dispute, it is more than just an accusation; it is a plea to feel heard. If you rush to defend yourself or to decide who is right, both children can feel unseen, and the conflict may harden. Your role is to slow the moment down, demonstrating that you are listening through a clear and fair structure that gives each child the space to speak. 

Create a Fairness Frame 

You can move from chaos to order with one simple sentence: ‘We will hear both of you. One person speaks, one listens, and then we swap.’ It can be helpful to sit the children side by side, rather than face to face, and to use a talking token, such as a soft ball. Only the person holding the token is allowed to speak. Keep the first turns short, perhaps only twenty seconds each, and set a calm tone: ‘Short and clear, and then we will change turns.’ 

Prove You Are Listening 

After each child speaks, offer a single, reflective sentence before anyone else replies. For example, ‘It sounds like you felt left out when your idea was skipped,’ or ‘It seems you felt blamed for something you did not do.’ This reflection is not an agreement; it is proof that their words have landed. The moment a child hears their own feelings repeated back to them accurately, the need to shout, ‘You never listen!’ begins to fade. 

Use the Reflect-Then-Reply Rule 

You can introduce a rule that no one may answer until they have repeated one line of what they just heard. For instance, ‘I heard you say that you felt left out.’ This slows down reactive speech and helps to build empathy. It also gives you a clear boundary to hold: if a child refuses to reflect, the turn returns to the token holder. This prioritises the skill of listening over the immediate desire to find a solution. 

Give Emotions and Requests a Script 

You can coach your children to use just two sentences per turn. The first sentence should express a feeling, and the second should be a request. For example, ‘I felt pushed aside. Please let me finish my turn next time.’ This helps to trim long speeches into workable needs that you can act on. If voices begin to rise, you can call for a reset that is the same every time: ‘Voices down, take a sip of water, and we will start again with the token.’ 

Close with a Small Agreement 

End the discussion with a practical, near-term plan, such as, ‘For the next game, one of you can keep the time and the other can choose the teams.’ You can write this on a sticky note and post it where they can see it. A visible agreement can prevent the same argument from happening again and quietly reassures the child who fears not being heard. 

Spiritual Insight 

Sibling clashes are a normal part of family life. What turns a conflict into an opportunity for growth is a parent’s choice to lead with justice, calm, and mercy. In our tradition, listening is not a passive act. It is an act of integrity that protects hearts and repairs bonds. When you slow the room, give each child their share of the conversation, and seek a fair outcome, you are practising a form of worship in the language of family life. 

Mending Hearts Before Issues 

The Quran reminds us that reconciliation is a duty, not a luxury. The fairness frame, your reflective summaries, and the gentle resets are all everyday tools for making peace. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers…’ 

By prioritising the act of repair over winning an argument, you show your children that family unity is a trust from Allah Almighty that must be guarded with care. 

Stopping Harm as a Form of Help 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that true help means guiding each person away from wrongdoing, even when they are the one causing the hurt. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2444, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or oppressed.’ When asked how to help an oppressor, he said, ‘By preventing him from oppressing.’ 

Your reflect-then-reply rule and a firm turn-taking gently block any unfairness while preserving the dignity of each child. A justice that is delivered with mercy is the prophetic path, even in a noisy living room. 

A child who cries, ‘You never listen!’ is really asking, ‘Is there room for me here?’ Your repeatable routine answers with a calm ‘yes’. You make the space visible with a token. You make your understanding audible with a one-line mirror. You make progress practical with a small agreement for next time. 

Over days and weeks, the complaint will soften because the conditions have changed. Your children will learn that being heard is guaranteed, not grabbed, and that listening first makes finding a solution much faster. Their language can shift from accusation to request, and from blame to repair. 

For you, this becomes more than just conflict management. It is a daily act of character formation: teaching measured speech, protecting each child’s dignity, and building a home where mercy is what organises the noise. In that steady rhythm, ‘You never listen to me’ gives way to something truer and safer: ‘We listen to each other here, for the sake of Allah Almighty.’