How do I handle twins who demand identical treatment? 

Parenting Perspective 

Twins often compare themselves very closely, noticing even the smallest differences in attention, gifts, or privileges. While identical treatment might feel safe to them, strict sameness can actually prevent them from developing their own unique identities. The challenge for parents is to balance fairness with a recognition of each child’s individuality, so that neither twin feels overlooked while each learns that they are valued for who they are. 

Affirm Fairness Without Promising Sameness 

When your twins demand identical treatment, you can say, ‘I will always treat you both fairly, but fairly does not always mean exactly the same.’ This approach reassures them of your commitment to justice while still leaving space for their individuality to flourish. 

Celebrate Their Unique Strengths and Choices 

It is important to highlight their differences in a positive way. For example, you could say, ‘You love drawing, and your brother loves football; both are wonderful talents that you have.’ By praising each child’s unique qualities, parents help their twins to see that individuality is not a threat to fairness, but rather a beautiful expression of it. 

Balance Shared and Individual Experiences 

You can plan activities that they do both together and separately. For example, bedtime routines might be shared, while hobbies can be individual. Occasional one-on-one time with each twin strengthens their confidence that they are loved as individuals, not only as part of a pair. 

Avoid Comparisons That Fuel Rivalry 

Even small, seemingly innocent comments like ‘He is the louder one’ or ‘She is the clever one’ can inadvertently cement unhealthy labels and fuel rivalry between siblings. It is best to keep your praise descriptive rather than comparative, so that both children feel equally cherished without being boxed into specific roles. 

By affirming fairness, celebrating their individuality, and balancing shared with personal experiences, parents can teach their twins that being loved equally does not mean being treated identically. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic tradition commands justice with balance, rather than with blind sameness. It encourages parents to treat each child equitably, recognising their individual needs and unique personalities. 

Justice with Nuance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety…’ 

This verse reminds us that justice means giving each person their due rights and consideration, not treating everyone in an identical way that ignores their unique circumstances. 

The Prophetic Instruction on Fairness 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2511, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Maintain justice among your children in gifts, for if I were to prefer anyone, I would have preferred the women.’ 

This profound teaching shows us that fairness must always remain the standard for parents, and that even twins should be treated with equity while honouring their developing individuality. 

By following these beautiful principles, parents of twins can move beyond simply striving for sameness and instead cultivate true fairness. Their children will then grow up secure in the knowledge of their parents’ equal love, while also learning that their individuality is a precious gift from Allah Almighty, deserving to be recognised and nurtured.