How do I handle school refusal calmly? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Root Cause 

School refusal can feel like an emotional tug-of-war each morning, both for you and for your child. It is not simply

stubbornness or defiance. Often, it is rooted in real fears, anxiety or unmet needs that feel overwhelming for your child. 

Exploring the Reasons and Keeping a Record 

Start by gently exploring what makes school feel so difficult. Is it worries about friendships, noisy classrooms, struggles with learning or fear of being away from you? Listen with patience and without judgement, even if your child cannot fully put their feelings into words. Keep a calm record of any patterns you notice. When do the refusals happen? What helps, even in small ways? 

Sharing Concerns with the School 

Share what you find with your child’s teacher or the school’s SENCO. They may be able to make small changes that ease the pressure, such as a calmer start to the day, having a trusted adult greet your child at the door or a quiet space where they can settle if they feel anxious. 

Building Steady Routines at Home 

At home, try to build steady routines and clear visual plans so your child knows what to expect each day. Practise tiny steps towards school and praise every small success, whether it is getting dressed, putting on shoes or walking to the school gate.¹ Try to avoid harsh punishments. They rarely help when fear or anxiety is the real cause.² 

Stay patient and consistent, even on the mornings that feel the hardest. If things do not get better, ask for extra support from your GP, a counsellor or a specialist service. Remember, you are not failing as a parent. You are recognising your child’s very real feelings and responding with compassion, patience and strength. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us that every hardship, including the daily challenge of school refusal, is fully seen by Allah Almighty. He knows the sleepless nights, the anxious mornings, and the tears shed in secret. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear. ‘

This Ayah reassures you that while this season feels heavy, it is within your capacity, especially when you turn to Allah Almighty with Dua and trust. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3671, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Be kind to children and perfect in your upbringing of them. ‘

This Hadith Shareef reminds you that your patience, even when your child pushes against you, is part of fulfilling your Amanah. Make sincere Dua for your child’s heart to feel safe, for fear to be replaced with courage, and for teachers to show understanding. Read Ayat-ul-Kursi or Surah Al Falaq over your child before they leave home. Keep telling them, and yourself, that Allah Almighty is with you both every step of the way, at the school gate, in the classroom, and in your quietest moments of exhaustion. Trust that your gentle consistency and sincere trust in Him will, InshaAllah, turn this test into a source of growth, resilience and deep connection with your child.