How do I handle repeated ‘I forgot’ when the truth is they chose not to? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child repeatedly says, ‘I forgot’ but you know that they actually chose not to follow through with something, it can be both frustrating and disheartening. It feels dishonest, yet what is often happening beneath the surface is a sense of avoidance, not malice. Children often use ‘I forgot’ as a shield to avoid conflict, to protect their pride, or to escape accountability. The aim is not just to catch them in a lie, but to teach them a sense of ownership, the courage to say, ‘I did not do it, and here is the reason why.’ 

Distinguish Between Forgetfulness and Avoidance 

It is a good idea to begin with a sense of curiosity, rather than with an accusation. 

‘Did you truly forget, or was it something that you did not want to do?’ 

This calm tone invites honesty instead of a defensive reaction. Children often lie because they fear anger. When they sense that you will stay calm, telling the truth feels safer. Once they admit the real reason for their behaviour, you can guide them toward a moment of reflection, rather than making them feel guilty. 

Connect a Sense of Responsibility to Freedom 

You can explain to your child that demonstrating responsibility helps them to earn their independence. 

‘When you remember to do what you have promised, I can trust you with more freedom. When you ‘forget’, it shows me that you still need my reminders.’ 

This reframes honesty as a form of empowerment, teaching that being trusted is something that is earned through reliability. 

Practise Gentle Accountability 

If the same ‘forgetting’ happens again, try to respond without frustration. 

‘You said that you forgot, but this is the third time this has happened. Let us talk about what is really stopping you from doing it.’ 

You should avoid scolding your child. Instead, you can try to trace the pattern of their behaviour. Was the task they were supposed to do boring, difficult, or emotionally charged? Often, ‘forgetting’ is just resistance disguised as forgetfulness. Once you have identified the block, you can begin to solve the real issue. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a great weight on the quality of truthfulness, or sidq, not merely as honesty in our words, but as a sense of integrity between our intentions and our actions. Repeated ‘forgetfulness’, when a person has really chosen otherwise, is a subtle form of self deception. Teaching your child to be sincere is a way of nurturing ihsan, doing what is right because Allah Almighty is always aware of our actions, even when others are not. 

Accountability in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), Verse 18: 

‘All those of you who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty); and let every person anticipate (the consequences of) what they have sent forth (in the Hereafter) for the next day; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty); as indeed, Allah (Almighty) is fully Cognisant with all your actions.’ 

This verse reminds us that responsibility begins with awareness of what we choose and what we avoid. Teaching children to ‘look at what they send forth’ means helping them to see that our choices shape both our character and our consequences. Deliberately forgetting is not a harmless act; it is a neglect of our accountability before Allah Almighty. 

Truthfulness in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6094, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man continues to speak the truth until he becomes a truthful person.’ 

This Hadith connects our everyday honesty to our spiritual success. When you teach your child to admit, ‘I chose not to do it’, instead of saying, ‘I forgot’, you are helping to build this truthfulness of the heart. It can transform a moment of correction into an opportunity for character building, showing that small moments of honesty can lead toward a lifetime of integrity and, ultimately, to divine approval. 

When ‘I forgot’ becomes a habit, it is not your child’s memory that you are fixing, but their courage. By calmly replacing a sense of avoidance with one of accountability, you can help your child to face the truth with dignity. Spiritually, your steady guidance models the balance of the mercy and justice of Allah Almighty, forgiving the slip, but still expecting sincerity.