How do I handle relatives who tease about weight or appearance? 

Parenting Perspective 

Comments about weight, height, or other features may be intended as harmless jokes by adults, but children often internalise them as hurtful truths. Your primary goal is to protect your child’s dignity, gently reset the family dynamic, and equip your child with respectful words to defend themselves. You can be firm without being hostile, clear without being dramatic, and consistent enough that the teasing eventually stops. 

Establish Boundaries Before the Visit 

If teasing has happened before, consider sending a short, warm message or making a call in advance. For example: ‘We are teaching the children that our bodies are from Allah Almighty and not a subject for jokes. Please could we avoid comments on their weight or appearance? We would love to talk about their school, hobbies, and plans instead.’ This gives relatives a chance to adjust their approach without feeling confronted. 

Respond Immediately and Calmly 

When a remark is made, it is important to respond within a few seconds, as silence can be misinterpreted as approval. Keep your voice low and steady, saying something like: ‘We do not make comments about bodies in our family. Please let us talk about something else.’ If the person dismisses it as humour, repeat your boundary once more: ‘I understand you mean it as a joke, but we still do not comment on bodies.’ Repetition, not debate, is the most effective tool. 

For instance: 

Relative: ‘Looks like someone has put on some weight, eh?’ 

Parent: ‘We do not make comments about bodies. Please let us talk about something else.’ 

Relative: ‘Oh, relax, it is just a joke.’ 

Parent: ‘I hear you. We still do not make comments about bodies.’ 

Redirect and Reassure Your Child 

After addressing the adult, turn your body slightly towards your child to restore their sense of safety. You can say quietly, ‘You are not a joke. Your body is worthy and strong.’ Then, change the subject for everyone: ‘Who would like some tea?’ or ‘Tell us about your garden project.’ This signals that dignity, not creating a spectacle, is the guiding principle in your family. 

Empower Your Child with Prepared Responses 

Children feel more secure when they know what to say. You can practise a few simple lines with them at home in a playful manner, so they feel rehearsed rather than fearful. 

• ‘Please do not joke about my body.’ 

• ‘I do not like comments about how I look. Can we talk about football or my new book instead?’ 

Offer a Clear Choice to Persistent Adults 

If the teasing continues, you can offer two calm options: ‘We can enjoy our time together with no more comments about bodies, or we can take a break and come back later. Which would you prefer?’ Presenting a choice reduces the potential for a power struggle and keeps you out of arguments about their intentions. 

Focus on Emotional Safety 

After the incident, help your child to feel calm again. Sit beside them, slow your breathing, and validate their feelings by naming what happened: ‘That comment was not okay, and I stopped it. Your body is from Allah Almighty and deserves complete respect.’ If they need to leave the room for a moment, accompany them. Safety is conveyed not just through words, but also through pace, posture, and presence. 

Model Accountability and Repair Mistakes 

If you missed an opportunity to speak up, it is important to repair the situation with your child later. You could say: ‘I did not speak up quickly enough earlier, and I am sorry. I will do better next time. Your dignity matters to me more than keeping the peace.’ This models that adults also make mistakes and take steps to correct them. 

Follow Up Privately with the Relative 

Later, away from your child, have a brief and specific conversation with the relative: ‘Please do not comment on my child’s weight, height, or skin. It undermines our family values and is hurtful. Thank you for understanding.’ If necessary, you may need to reduce your exposure to them until respectful behaviour becomes consistent. Boundaries exist to protect relationships by making them safe for everyone. 

By handling the situation this way, your child learns that love does not mean accepting hurtful behaviour, that they can set limits without attacking others, and that your home culture values character over appearance. This confidence becomes a shield they can carry with them everywhere. 

Spiritual Insight 

Our tradition honours the human body as a sacred trust from Allah Almighty and forbids mockery. Establishing a boundary around your child’s appearance is not oversensitivity; it is an act of obedience and a way of caring for their heart. You are demonstrating that our speech must always protect the dignity of others. 

The Divine Honour of Every Human 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam …’ 

This verse reminds us that every person possesses an innate, God-given honour that should never be sacrificed for a laugh. When you state, ‘We do not make comments about bodies,’ you are upholding that honour in your daily life. You are also teaching your child to view their own body, and the bodies of others, as precious gifts, not as public property open to criticism. 

The Mark of a True Believer 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 41, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.’ 

This hadith teaches that true faith is demonstrated by our ability to restrain our tongues from causing harm. Jokes that target a person’s appearance fail this standard, even if they are wrapped in affection. By calmly stopping such comments and guiding relatives towards better topics of conversation, you are steering them towards prophetic character. You show your child that kindness includes protecting others from your words, and that true strength is measured by what you refuse to ridicule.