How do I handle it when their self-set limits are still too high? 

Parenting Perspective 

When you have successfully encouraged your child to set their own goals, it can be tricky when their idea of ‘balance’ is different from yours. The key is to honour their effort while gently guiding them towards a healthier limit. 

Affirm Their Effort First 

Begin by acknowledging the positive step they have taken. You can say, ‘I am so glad you are thinking about this and setting your own goals.’ This keeps them from feeling criticised for trying, which is crucial for building their confidence. 

Share Your Concerns with Clarity 

Calmly explain why their suggested limit might still be unhelpful, using specific examples. For instance, ‘I hear you on three hours a day, but I have noticed that it leaves very little time for your football practice. I am worried that will make you feel rushed.’ This connects the limit to a real-world outcome. 

Co-Create the Adjustment 

Rather than just imposing a lower number, invite them to help find a solution. You could ask, ‘What do you think is the least amount of time you could use and still enjoy it?’ Suggesting a one-week trial period at a lower limit can also help them to feel the benefits for themselves. 

This approach keeps them engaged in the process while guiding them towards healthier habits without turning it into a power struggle. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, effective guidance is often gradual. It involves meeting people where they are and helping them to improve step-by-step, rather than demanding immediate perfection. As parents, our role is to nurture growth without crushing a child’s sense of ownership. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…’ 

This reminds us that the limits and goals we encourage should be challenging enough to promote growth, but not so difficult that they cause unnecessary hardship. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1733, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult. Give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’ 

This teaches us to guide with gentleness, ensuring that the journey towards better habits feels encouraging and manageable, not punishing. 

By affirming their effort, explaining your reasoning, and adjusting together, you help your child learn that improvement is a process, one that honours their agency while protecting their well-being.