How do I handle it when my child says “You love my sibling more” after a no? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few words can cut a parent as deeply as hearing their child cry, ‘You love my sibling more!’, especially when it follows a simple ‘no’. In that moment, you may feel shocked, defensive, or heartbroken. However, beneath those painful words lies something far more tender: a child struggling with comparison, disappointment, and a fear of losing your affection. How you respond in that instant can either widen the emotional gap or gently begin to heal it. 

The Feeling Behind the Words 

When a child says, ‘You love them more,’ it is not an accusation, but an expression of insecurity. They feel rejected or unseen after your refusal and are interpreting it as a sign of unequal love. This is not a form of manipulation, but an attempt to make sense of their own hurt. Understanding this helps you to move from a reactive state to one of compassion. Instead of trying to prove your love through an argument, focus on addressing the emotion that triggered the statement. 

A Response of Empathy, Not Defence 

When emotions are high, defensiveness will only create more distance. Avoid sharp replies like, ‘That is ridiculous, I love you both the same!’ Instead, lower your voice and meet their eyes with gentleness. 

You could say: 

‘I can see that you feel really sad right now. You think I love your sibling more because I said no, but I love you completely and always. Saying no does not change my love for you.’ 

Pause and let your words land in the silence. This calm reassurance affirms your love while holding firm to the boundary. If your child continues to cry or protest, you can repeat gently, ‘I love you just as much as your sibling. Sometimes I have to say no because I want what is best for you, not because I love you less.’ 

Offering Connection Without Concession 

When children feel emotionally disconnected, they often seek reassurance through comparison. You can meet this need without changing your decision. After the moment has settled, offer your warmth and presence through a hug, a quiet cuddle, or the promise of time together later. You could say, ‘You were very upset earlier, but I am glad you told me how you felt. I always want you to be able to talk to me, even when it is hard.’ This reassures them that emotional honesty is safe, even in moments of disagreement. 

Reflecting on Perceived Patterns 

If your child often expresses feelings of being compared, it is worth taking some time privately to reflect on whether any of your own small habits might be feeding that perception. Fairness does not mean sameness, but creating a balance in how love is expressed requires mindfulness. A child’s accusation can be a gentle reminder to ensure that our expressions of affection are balanced and visible to all our children. 

Spiritual Insight 

Moments like these are among the most emotionally testing for a parent. A child’s words can pierce deeply, yet they also invite you to embody one of the greatest prophetic qualities: rahmah (mercy), a compassion that remains constant even when it is misunderstood. 

Mercy That Remains Steady 

The Quran reminds us that true affection is a gift from the mercy of Allah Almighty. When you respond to your child’s emotional hurt with gentleness rather than anger, you are reflecting that divine mercy, nurturing a love that is not swayed by emotion or provocation. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Maryam (19), Verse 96: 

‘Indeed, those people who have believed, and have undertaken virtuous actions; the One (Allah Almighty) Who is Most Beneficent shall designate for them, His absolute affection.’ 

Your calm reassurance shows your child that your love for them is steady, rooted not in a momentary approval, but in an enduring care, just as the mercy of Allah envelops us even when we falter. 

The Bond of Compassionate Guidance 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ highlighted the deep bond of love and compassion that should exist within a family. When one child feels hurt and says, ‘You love them more,’ a parent’s empathy can mirror this prophetic principle, feeling the child’s pain and responding with understanding rather than defensiveness. Your calm reassurance can help to heal the whole family. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 224, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believers, in their mutual love, mercy, and compassion, are like a single body; when one part of it suffers, the whole body responds with wakefulness and fever.’ 

When your child cries, ‘You love my sibling more!’, you are being invited to display one of the highest forms of parenting wisdom: a love that corrects without breaking. Each time you remain calm and respond with gentle firmness, you are teaching your child that a relationship can hold both truth and tenderness. Over time, your consistency will become their emotional security, a proof that love is not measured by moments of refusal, but by the constancy of your care. 

These moments of restraint are not small; they are acts of worship. In choosing patience over pain, mercy over defence, and steadiness over reaction, you are walking the prophetic path of love, a love that guides, protects, and never wavers, even in the face of tears.