How do I handle it when my child pulls away during crossings? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child pulls away while crossing a road, a parent’s first instinct is often one of panic, leading to a tighter grip or a raised voice. While this fear is natural, repeated tension around road crossings can make a child more resistant. This behaviour often stems from a child’s desire for independence, which develops before their understanding of risk. The goal is to channel that need for autonomy while maintaining safety and a calm authority. 

Establish a ‘Hold and Cross’ Agreement 

Before you step onto the pavement, it is helpful to pause and crouch down to your child’s level. Say clearly and calmly, ‘We only cross the road when we are holding hands. That is how we keep each other safe.’ This rule should be non-negotiable and consistent every time. Even if you are in a hurry, never compromise, because inconsistency teaches that there is room for negotiation where there should be none. If they pull away, stop completely, take a breath, and reset the rule: ‘We will wait until you are ready to hold my hand.’ 

Offer Controlled Choices 

You can offer small choices that help to preserve your child’s sense of control. For example, ‘Would you like to hold my hand or my bag strap?’ or ‘Shall we count to three together before we cross?’ Involving them in the process creates a feeling of cooperation rather than resistance. For older children, you can replace hand-holding with proximity rules, such as, ‘You need to walk right beside me until we are on the other side.’ These shared rituals replace power struggles with a sense of partnership. 

Practise in Calm Moments 

It is helpful to rehearse road crossings when there is no traffic. You can make it a game of teamwork: ‘Let us see who remembers all three steps: stop, look, and listen.’ Praise their effort and responsibility by saying, ‘You looked both ways and waited. That shows you are taking real care.’ When children feel capable and trusted, they become more willing to cooperate during busier crossings. If your child does pull away, resist the urge for a harsh correction. Once you are safe, you can kneel down and explain calmly, ‘That made it hard for me to keep you safe. Let us try that again.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, safeguarding life is among the highest forms of worship. A parent’s calm, protective presence during moments of danger is a reflection of mercy, a quality that Allah Almighty loves. Each act of keeping a child safe is part of fulfilling the trust (amanah) that Allah has placed upon every parent. 

The Sacred Trust of Protection 

The Quran reminds us that protecting life, even through small, daily acts, holds immense value in the sight of Allah Almighty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 32: 

‘…And whoever saves a life, then it is as if he has saved the entire human race…’ 

When you patiently guide your child at road crossings, you are practising a sacred responsibility, preserving life through gentleness and consistency. 

The Prophetic Example of Accountability 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that every parent is accountable for the safety and guidance of their child. Holding their hand and teaching caution are not small gestures; they are acts of fulfilling this divine trust. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be asked about his flock.’ 

Handling a child who pulls away is a moment to teach awareness, not fear. By remaining composed and consistent, you are showing them that your rules exist for their protection, not for your control. Over time, your steady patience will help your child to internalise safety as their own responsibility. 

Spiritually, this practice nurtures both gratitude and discipline. It reminds a child that life is precious, a gift from Allah Almighty that must be guarded carefully. When you cross the road hand in hand, calmly and with awareness, you are not only ensuring their safety in that moment but also planting the lifelong habit of a mindful living that is guided by faith and love.