How do I handle it if my child copies throwing things in anger? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is understandably unsettling when your child begins to throw things in anger, particularly if this behaviour is copied from others. Parents naturally worry that such actions might become an ingrained habit. In reality, children often throw objects because they lack the vocabulary or self-control to articulate their intense feelings. This is not usually a sign of deliberate destructiveness, but rather a clear need for calm guidance. 

Understanding the Behaviour 

Throwing objects often signals deep frustration or a feeling of being overwhelmed. If a child sees others using this as a response, they may assume it is a normal way to behave. Your role is to establish firm boundaries for safety while teaching them healthier ways to express themselves. 

The Importance of Calm Intervention 

When your child throws something, your immediate response is critical. 

• First, ensure everyone is safe and remove any breakable or dangerous items from the immediate area. 

• Speak firmly but gently: ‘We do not throw things when we are angry. Throwing can hurt someone or break our belongings.’ 

• Maintaining a calm tone is essential, as reacting with anger can inadvertently reinforce the very behaviour you wish to stop. 

Providing Safe Alternatives 

Redirect your child’s physical energy towards safe and acceptable outlets. 

• Offer a soft ball or a designated cushion that they are allowed to throw in a safe space. 

• Encourage other physical movements, such as stomping their feet or clapping their hands. 

• Provide an outlet for creative expression, like scribbling on paper or tearing up scrap paper. 

This approach helps them learn that while the feeling of anger is acceptable, harmful actions are not. 

Teaching Emotional Language 

Equip your child with a simple vocabulary to use instead of physical actions. 

• ‘I am angry.’ 

• ‘I do not like that.’ 

• ‘I need help.’ 

You could say, for instance: ‘I can see you are very upset. Instead of throwing, can you try telling me, “I am angry”?’ 

Modelling a Calm Response 

Children learn most effectively by watching the adults around them. Demonstrate your own coping strategies. 

• ‘I am feeling cross, so I am going to take a deep breath.’ 

• ‘I am going to walk away for a moment to calm down.’ 

These moments provide your child with a powerful, real-life example of self-control. 

Spiritual Insight 

The act of striving to improve our character is highly valued in Islam, and this includes the challenge of managing anger. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verses 69: 

‘ And those people that endeavour (to please) Us (Allah Almighty); so, We (Allah Almighty) shall indeed, guide them (to those pathways) that lead to Us; and indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those who are benevolent (in their actions).‘ 

This verse reminds us that the effort to control our impulses, including anger, is a struggle that brings us closer to Allah and earns His guidance. Teaching your child to choose calm actions over throwing is a practical part of this spiritual striving. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise, he should lie down.’ 

This hadith offers profound and practical wisdom: simply changing one’s physical position can help diffuse powerful emotions. Guiding your child to pause, sit down, or take a break when they feel angry directly aligns with this prophetic advice. By patiently and mercifully nurturing restraint, you are not only preventing harm but are also helping your child develop a character whose true strength is found in calmness, compassion, and closeness to Allah Almighty.