How do I handle arguments about sharing devices or tablets? 

Parenting Perspective 

Arguments over devices are not simply about screen time. They are, in fact, about control, fairness, belonging, and the inherent fear of missing out. The objective is to transform a scarce, desirable object into a predictable routine that safeguards familial relationships. The core methodology should be ‘system over mood’: when the rules are clear and repeatable, children cease testing parental patience and begin trusting the established process. 

Creating a Clear Family Tech Charter 

Parents should collaborate with children to write three or four simple rules and post them near the charging spot. Since the children have helped write the rules, they are far more likely to respect them. 

• Devices are tools, not trophies. 

• We share by turns. 

• We stop when a timer rings. 

• We speak kindly while we swap. 

Using a Neutral Timer for Fairness 

Utilise a visible countdown timer (for example, seven or ten minutes per turn) and state one clear sentence during the handover: “Timer has ended. Please swap kindly.” 

• If a child delays or argues, pause their device use for one full cycle and try again later. The neutral timer, not the parent’s temper, becomes the authority. 

• This shifts the focus of the disagreement from personal preference to how the system operates. 

Managing Emotional Handover 

Teach children the ‘Save and Swap Rule’: they must save their progress before the handover. Narrate the exchange: “You saved at level four. It is your sibling’s turn now; you will start at level four next time.” 

• This preserves the child’s effort and calms the fear of losing status. 

• Practise Calm Scripts: Role-play the handover during relaxed moments. Child A says, “My turn is done. Your turn.” Child B replies, “Thank you. I will return it when the timer rings.” This rehearsal makes using the right words easier than defaulting to conflict in a stressful moment. 

Establishing Device-Free Boundaries 

Set device-free zones that are non-negotiable: mealtimes, homework blocks, and the hour before bedtime. Devices should be parked in a visible charging station. 

• Predictable offline rhythms reduce last-minute scrambles and resentments about who used the device for the longest duration. 

• Build Alternatives: Increase the number of shared activities that are not screen-based, such as building projects or card games. When attention may be earned in various ways, the device loses its power to dominate the room. 

When sharing is anchored to a clear routine, both the object and the relationship are protected. Children learn that fairness is not a mood but a method, and that relationships outrank any game level or streak. 

Spiritual Insight 

Effective sharing is a fundamental form of spiritual training. Islam encourages children to mature beyond the inclination of ‘me first’ and to discover the sweetness of yielding with grace. 

Preferring Others and Taming the Self (Ithar) 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), Verse 9: 

‘…And giving preference over themselves, even though they were impecunious themselves; and whoever is salvaged from (the inherent state of) being miserly for himself, then they are the victorious’ 

• Explain to your children that pressing ‘pause’ and handing over the device on time is a small act of ithar—preferring another—that strengthens the heart. 

• Each timely swap is a victory over the nafs (lower self), not a loss of status. Parents should link the timer routine to this ayah: “We practise success by protecting ourselves from stinginess, even with turns on a tablet.” 

Protecting Rights with Tongue and Hand (Adab) 

Respect for a sibling’s turn is, in essence, respect for their right. The holy Prophet Muhammad $ﷺ$ set the standard for protecting the rights of others. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 4995, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe, and the believer is the one from whom the people’s lives and wealth are safe.’ 

• Explain that ‘wealth’ includes not only money but also their possessions and their turn to play. 

• Grabbing, mocking, or extending the timer past zero makes others unsafe in their right. 

• Speaking kindly and swapping on time transforms play into adab (good manners). 

• Invite a short family dhikr at the charging station—for example, Alhamdulillah when starting and Jazak Allahu khayran at handover—so that faith gently shapes the ritual. 

Devices come and go, but character remains. Every fair swap builds trust, every promise kept polishes the heart, and every gentle word keeps the home safe. When children treat a sibling’s turn as an amanah (trust) from Allah Almighty, arguments will shrink and respect will grow—and the atmosphere will feel lighter than any game can make it.